so instead of talking and talking about restricting

I decided yesterday to just do it. now yesterday was weds. so on tuesday I ate a bunch of shit. like I've been doing for like the past week or so and at some point at the end of the day I weighed myself and I was like 153.4

then the next morning I weighed myself and I was 147.6. that day, weds, I had oatmeal, and a big salad, and a bunch of crackers. I also drank a soda. but today I weigh 145.6 yay.

I mean not to be gross but this morning I was relieved of extra baggage you know and yesterday I ate pretty healthy. big salads are so delicious when you're stoned. like I felt better after eating it too opposed to the junk food.

well. today I don't really have money for food. tonight im going out of town for new years. won't be able to weigh myself til I come back on sat. I'll try to be persistent in my restricting and maybe the scale will tip further.

k so some good news for everyone. I hope you all are doing much better than I though.

think thin

so I've been eating and eating

since I posted last. I haven't been weighing myself much. today I only had:

half a pepsi 75cals
coffee 100cals?
perrier 0cals

so the plan is to not eat anymore. im thinking I fast two days at a time. and then eat a bit and then fast two more days. ill see how that works out.

tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday I basically smoked pot and ate everything in sight. I remember weighing myself at some point and being like 144.6 so ill see tomorrow.

wish me luck. im getting a headache. idk if its cause I didn't smoke today or cause I didn't eat. probably a bit of both. im gonna drink a liter of water and chill out. my mom is cooking but I've got no desire to eat.

wish me luck xx


I hope you guys have been doing better than I.

so this morning

I weighed 142.0 so I gained a pound. im starting to feel hungry. I haven't eaten at all today im working on my first pint of water.

later should be really hard cause im going to buy pot and it makes you hungry but im gonna just have to fight through that. I might go on a walk or something. idk something. wish me luck.

so he didn't ask me out.

not trying to play the blame game but I've been stuffing my face ever since. I weigh 146.6 this morning I weighed 141.0

last monday I weighed like 135. FML. I hate him. I hate them all.

I might be moving soon which makes me somewhat happy. idk.

fuck my life 146.6 I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to see how much of this stays. I feel so groggy and gross and full. uuugh.

btw brittany murphy TOTALLY died of eating disorder complications. she didn't go from tai to jolie skinny with prayer.

so like this weekend was a bust.

I had pizza on staurday. weighed myself sunday and I was 144.

then I had a bunch of food. idk even know what. some chipotle was in there though, yesterday. and this morning I weigh 141.0

so I think maybe my metabolism has worked itself out. I've decided to fast for 2 days and then on the third, eat like 1000 cals. im going to do this twice and see how it works out.

more specifically.


fast1: bit of coffee, tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: beans, juice, bit of cheese, healthy stuff.
fast1: about 500 cals in juice and tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: eat healthy again.


ill see how this works out. its like trial and error. I feel like I have so much energy and so much food inside me right now. im really looking forward to fasting today. although I think ill save my coffee for AFTER my final cause it makes my tummy rumble.

today is the day im hoping that he asks me out or something. I just want him to give me the faintest notion that he wants to keep in touch.

okay off subject.

I've got nothing to do today

I know all of you can't tell.

I ate and I want to post what I ate cause I plan on not eating for the rest of today.

I had:
luna bar 180
cookies 100
grilled cheese 400?
bread with honey 200
juice 100

so that's like 1000? im completely done for today. im hoping this keeps my metabolism up. I weighed in right after. 139.6

damn near 140 AGAIN. if I make it below 137 on my digital scale it will be an fn MIRACLE. seriously.

how long does it take one to lose 5 measely pounds?

thanks so much ana's girl for the comment

I completely agree. I've done what others wanted me to do for so long and im never happy. I always start eating bc of her. and like now when I think about it, I think I really just want to eat but its easier when being provoked to just blame it on her. NO MORE. that's so weak. to be like oh its your fault im fat. its my fault for putting the food in my mouth.

so yeah earlier I ate a luna bar for bfast and drank water.

that's 180cals.

I think I've got a chance at this modeling thing. I've got to just stay strong. its soo difficult for me to get over this speed bump of 137-139.

I've been 137-139 for like almost a week. uggh. why won't it just come off?

im convinced though that it can't last forever. eventually the scale will tip. eventually.

model

Mirte Maas

oh how I love that photo of her on the page. the black and white one with the tshirt. I think she looks so cool. she's 18 like me. I've got to just stay strong. seriously.

im drinking tons of water today. I don't plan on eating much maybe a luna bar. idk. I don't really want to. ill eat tomorrow morning definitely.


going through her pictures just takes all my hunger pains away.

just weighed myself

138.4 ugh.
friday morning: 139.2

im going to keep track of day to day. I usually forget and overestimate or underestimate and then I feel like im not losing at all.

so down .8 from yesterday. every journey starts with a single step right?

my mom saw. she saw that I've got a scale and she goes, "oh you've got your scale out, trying to lose eighty pounds?"

I really don't need her condescending bull shit RIGHT NOW. god I hate her. idk why she cares so much I wish she would just leave me alone for a bit. she's so condescending and unsupportive unless im doing what SHE wants me to do. if its not then she completely shuts off. its so annoying.

hellooo new follower.

I haven't weighed or anything cause my mom is being weird. I've got another pimple though !!! today im definitely gonna drink tons of water. yesterday I just had loads of grapefruit juice but im tired of these little monsters on my face.

great article I found

How to Starve

I love the little bit about don't be discouraged if the scale isn't moving. that's where im at now. like in the past I just gave up but not this time, yeah? I've got you guys!

technical difficulties with blogger

okay so with another email I had two blogs. then I deleted one. and now my dashboard is set to: showing 0 of 2 blogs whereas when it was only one it always showed the one.

and when I click show all it doesn't do anything (im on a phone) so now I can't update my one blog.

is there a way to remove a deleted blog from my dashboard?


k anyways. I had 'dinner' I chewed and spitted a grilled cheese and cookies. and my mom wasn't paying attention so I didn't have to swallow any of it!!

uugh. my mom is the worst atm. she's like in this funk cause im losing weight and she can't do anything about it. like im too old now. I do what I want basically. im hoping to just move out soon im so tired of her. I lay down a lot because im not eating and im tired and shell make noise and bust in my room to ask me a dumb question. its so aggravating.

k im done ranting. gonna weigh in tomorrow morn hopefully I've lost. I've only swallowed grapefruit juice and water since coming home.

so its the end of the day.

this morning a little after 5am I weighed myself and I was 139.6 or .8 **edit: it was 139.2 I can't remember. but I was GAINING weight so I ate bfast.


I had:
steel cut oatmeal
grapefruit juice
pita bread and hummus
luna bar.

and I think that's it. idk how many cals exactly. I would say btw 700-800.

anyways I went to go do my final and came back. soo hungry. I was tempted to get fast food (burgerking) but resisted. I didn't resist really I just told myself NO! and kept driving lol

well I weighed myself and I weigh 137.8 !!! im not eating dinner so hopefully tomorrow morning its even less. also I plan on walking tomorrow morning to give my metabolism another boost.

wish me luck xx

hope everyones well

FML

its like 5:27am all I did was use the bathroom and I weigh 139.2

idk how this happened im so pissed. today im only drinking grapefruit juice. and im gonna have a bit of oatmeal for bfast. grapefruit juice is supposed to speed up the metabolism. uuugh. im gaining. how on earth am I gaining?

I had to fake eat dinner again.

and I swallowed two mouthfuls because my mom kept coming in my room and twice she came in before I could spit. im kind of sad. but idk. it was like 300cals at the most. with the carrot juice I ate and the coffee I had earlier.

300cals today isn't so bad. its not fasting but its not a complete lost. I don't want to weigh myself tomorrow but I know I will as soon as I wake up. about 12hours from right now. uuugh.

I weighed myself later today and I weighed 139....

im getting so pissed. if tomorrow it doesn't say 137 or less im gonna lose it. this morning it said 138.6 idk wtf that is when on tuesday I weighed like 135. but on a different scale. idk maybe I was fatter and didn't know cause of the scale. idk. I DON'T KNOW.

im sad. beautiful lunacy, my loneliness has been bugging me lately too. idk.. its hard.

I just want to go to sleep but I've got reading to do. a final tomorrow. wish me luck.

im definitely gonna weigh myself tomorrow. I hope its pleasant.


think thinn
xx

uugh today. sucks.

I just feel like crap overall. im not hungry but im definitely in a funk. I went to the store this morn to get a scale and like the display ones in the store were ALL FUCKED UP. excuse my language but one said I weighed 147.4 !!!!! I almost lost my shit in the store. so I bought one that seemed alright and when I got home, all naked, no food it said I weighed 138.6. so damn near 139. I gained like 3lbs from yesterday. fn great.

im kinda upset about it. and I just feel really down over all. I think cause I haven't been eating enough lately. I had to drive to school and back. its like 2hrs of driving, and I kept almost getting into accidents I couldn't pay attention at all. I just want the scale to go down down down down. is that so wrong? idk. I feel shitty. not hungry atm but my mom is on her way home for lunch shell probably insist on getting me something.

but like I know. if I start eating now, monday ill weigh 142 again. which is where I started last friday. so the choice is to either fast and lose weight or eat and definitely gain. so im fasting til monday. all I had today was a coffee.

wish me luck. xx

I want to be 130 by the first week of januaury. which is like 2weeks away.


yesterday I bought heels. I walk pretty good in them. the first week of january im gonna go to agencies. only the big ones. elite, ford, and wilhelmina. and then ill go from there. it sucks because I don't have any professional pictures. I just hope this girl is still willing to do them for free.

8lbs in two weeks. that seems easy enough.

wish me luck xx. I must stay strong and resist everything. im in such a lie around the house kind of mood. ugh.

((picture)) just woke up

haven't eaten, weighed, or anything and I was looking at my arm.

I've got one huge mirror on two different walls in my room, and one is right by my bed. I like to look at myself as soon as I wake up and make predictions about weight before actually weighing. its sort of sad, VERY vain.

so I was looking at my arm and its like tiny. all of this for a tiny arm?? uugh I wish this thinness would cascade down my legs. my jiggly thighs could use a healthy dose. anyways here's the picuture.

it looks kind of weird cause I took it with my phone but I didn't edit it at all or elongate it or anything. I couldn't, im on my phone. anyways that is seriously, my arm.






think thin
xx

so today was kind of a lost like I knew it would be.

maybe it was my negative thinking that since my mom was off I would have to eat but idk. im lying here and I feel like crap. like I might throw up. which would suck and be pointless since I ate last about 4hrs ago and all the calories are digested.

but my tummy really hurts. I ate the most today than I've eaten in five days.

I had:

coconut water 60cals
1/2 a luna bar 90cals
1/2 a portobello mushroom sandwich ??cals
a bit of this french puff pastry with guyere ??cals
1/2 carrot muffin ??cals

and that's it. I think the muffin is what made me sick. I ate that last and I was kind of binging on it. like not really thinking just chewing. and my stomach started to hurt and I just stopped and threw the rest away.

my legs look thinner to me but that's probably because im wearing black stretchy yoga pants. this morn I weighed like 135-6

I've decided to buy a digital scale. probably tomorrow. but im not going to weigh myself until monday morning. my plan is to fast until monday morning. four days. I didn't get through four days last time. on the third day I ate a bit. but the day after I didn't eat at all. so it was like a four day fast with a bit on the third night. don't want that this time. no bit on the third night for me.

wish me luck I know for sure its gonna be difficult. I feel so ill atm. tomorrow I want to keep busy and away from food. I think I might be dehydrated. or about to have a migraine. or both. idk.

I hope I don't throw up. I haaate throwing up.

wish me luck. hello new follower. please comment if you can I welcome the support. if you can't I understand. because of my server I can't comment a lot either on certain pages.


think thinn xxx
I love you all so much srsly you're my rock. seeing the number of followers grow even a bit is super inspiring.

so today was a bit confusing even for me.

so this morning I didn't get that bagel and cream cheese. I went to the grocery and picked up some cheese (cause I really wanted a grilled cheese) and some carrot juice. then I got home, made the grilled cheese, poured some carrot juice, began loathing myself for what I was doing and then as I was chewing something murmured in my ear, "you don't have to swallow."

and I didn't. I got a bag and I chewed and spitted that whole grilled cheese but I drank the carrot juice. then I was actually full.

but my mom asked me to pick her up from work for lunch and we went to trader joes. uuugh. almost got a pizza, but settled with a lunabar. about 180cals. then I went next door and got a jumbo almond croissant. do not ask me why. this is the part where I just don't understand what happened.

the jam in the center was SUPER sweet so I ended up eating only the crunchy edges. I felt so full and gross and disgusting. I danced a bit to lady gaga and felt better though. I was really sweating and out of breath I had to lie down. I ended up falling asleep for about an hour and when I woke up I looked tinier and on the scale I was 135.

but then I went to class. and I couldn't think straight or something. I don't know why but I got a hot chocolate. and I feel like I kind of ruined everything. like although it was just hot chocolate, I don't have that empty feeling that I had when I first woke up from the nap I had earlier. tomorrow ill weigh myself again. also tomorrow my mom is off so I know ill be expected to eat at some point.

tonight she kept asking and asking if I wanted chipotle. talk about temptation.

anyways the hot chocolate is kinda making me pissy, it was pointless. about 200cals. but it didn't help at all. I still did horribly on the test.

idk if I've said this but my goal is to stay within the range of 125-130 im 5ft 10.

I bought these diesel jeans offline cause they were super cheap and a size 27 which is what I USUALLY wear. but they're like a small 27. more like a 26. and since there's limited stretch its like a strict 26. no wiggle room. anyways. when I weighed 135 before class I was able to get them up a little further.

I can't wait until I can wear them that will be the ultimate.

wish me luck. I've been feeling down. there's a boy who has liked me all semester and just now I've kinda realized I like him too (don't ask how I've got no idea how these things work). but the last time I saw him I thought I was dropping good hints but he didn't like really respond in the way that I wanted. like he didn't ask me out. I think I make him scared but if only he knew he makes me scared-er lol.

so yeah this whole weight thing is really taking a toll on how I feel about myself. sometimes I think he's just afraid and then other times I think he just doesn't like me anymore. blurgh..

kk enough about that.


good luck

think thinn xx

p.s. I hope so much im still 135 tomorrow.

and welcome new follower!!

slight mishap this morning.

minor family drama.

I drank a bit of grapefruit juice before I weighed myself, before I went to the bathroom even. it was even that much and I feel sooo full. like I can feel it in my stomach and it almost feels like its gonna come back up due to lack of space.

so yeah my plan worked. I don't even want a grilled cheese and I made it through last night. tomorrow ill probably have to eat because my mom is off from work but what if I don't? omg another three day fast.

it'll be like 6days and all I had was a bit of fried chicken and some bread. but I don't want to get wrapped up in the MAYBEs. ill just focus on today. today I don't want to eat at all. I have a final later which sucks. I might have to eat something for a bit of energy. maybe ill go get some carrot juice if when I start studying I can't concentrate.

but only then. yeah calories for today will only be in juice.


thanks so much for the comment Ana's Girl I think you're the only one reading lol. also I like that tip the next time I eat it will be before I work out. ill definitely be burning it off and the work out will be easier :)



think thinn xx


ill update when I weigh myself.

update: I weigh I think 136. the lines are so small it could stil be 137. ugh. I wanna eat. I feel like im getting no where and that I should just give up. yeah. im gonna go get a bagel with jalapeno cream cheese. dunno if ill actually eat it.

ive decided.

tomorrow im getting a grilled cheese. i have a taste for one. and the fact that im allowing myself that is what's keeping me from destroying the kitchen. i didnt eat today at all. i had a coffee in the morning. i was feeling ill. i think im dehydrated. i just finished a liter of water i feel a bit better. so yeah a grilled cheese. im going to walk first. make myself work for it. i think if i walk a bit i'll burn the calories of the grilled cheese.

i need this grilled cheese. seriously thinking about a reward is such strength right now i want to eat everything in the kitchen. and then i was watching tv to get my mind off of food and on the show, they were eating. ugh the worse!

today didnt work out the way i planned. the boy has one last chance next monday but then class is done forever. although i think i dropped good hints that im kind of into him too. idk maybe not. im super subtle about these things.

im hoping that i make it through tonight and tomorrow i dont even want a grilled cheese. that would be ideal. if i have it though i will eat it before noon so i can have time to burn it during the day. uuugh i really dont want to eat anything else. tomorrow i dont have class until night so that's a whole day of possibly fcking up EVERYTHING. i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days.

i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.

i wont. i cant. i think im just really tired. i should go to sleep til tomorrow then the battle is won. although my mom gives me shit when i try to go to bed too early its like she knows something is up. its sooo annoying. i want to get out of this house so bad. it would make restricting so much easier.

im going to weigh myself tomorrow morning.


im leaving something out because i feel guilty. but after i posted last night about fake eating dinner i actually did eat. i had a bunch of these little chicken nugget things, although like my mom made them they werent from mc donalds. i would say it was like 1 whole chicken breast. to over estimate and just be safe. and i had a slice of bread.

on the calorie counter i checked the most cals a fried chicken breast had was 500 cals. and plus the slice of bread that puts me at 600. so that was last night. and this morning i was still 5lbs thinner. but todays fast sadly isnt my fourth day, its my first.

although seeing that i still lost considerable weight im kinda happy i ate something. and after walking, i'll eat tomorrow cause i dont want my metabolism to turn to mush or anything. WEDSNESDAY. weds will be hard. my mother's off from work. so i'll have to eat something. im thinking:

mon:fast
tues:grilled cheese
weds:under 1000 cals
thurs:fast
fri:fast

i have a final on friday so i might do a juice fast so that i can have some calories and energy and wont be so fatigued.

the ABC diet is just too much of a regiment. i think if i actually stuck to it, it would only result in suspicion. i think the purpose of the ABC diet is heavy restricting, which is what im doing. so hopefully if i just stay strong, i will get results.

ugh im so hungry. tomorrow im walking briskly for an hour or so. then im gonna eat a grilled cheese and then im going to finish cleaning and studying a bit before i go to class. then i'll get out of class and i'll be super hungry. and when we get off the freeway i'll want to ask my mom for in n out. she'll probably ask if im hungry first. but i will say no. of course i'll say no i HAVE to eat something on weds. then i'll go to the store and get carrot juice for thurs and fri.

i find this helps. letting yourself know whats up before it happens. like its okay to be hungry, you will be hungry, and now that you know you wont give in. i think it helps especially now when hunger just came out of left field for me. i almost gave in.

but i didnt. and now im posting here. i actually just realized, im sitting in the kitchen. as soon as im done (which is about now) im going to clean up a bit and listen to simon and garfunkel and lay down to sleep and the battle will be won.

if not, i will not lie. or delay telling the truth. its not right. and i think that rule will help keep me from failing, knowing that i have to account for myself.

good luck to everyone


think thinxx

ABCDiet

Ana Boot Camp
day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800 calories
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Im starting the ABC Diet

my plan is to go til the end of january which makes it out to 47days if I start today.

I just weighed myself: 137!

im so happy. I lost 5lbs on my three day fast. but don't let me get too happy. oh tell me im fat please. fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.

small victory. I have to keep going. my next goal is 130. I plan on juice fasting this entire week. so ill get some calories. ill use the ABC as a guide. but all in juice.


130 by friday??

ugh I just really don't wanna gain this back. at all. food is GROSS. it takes away all the happiness I feel now.

Im starting the ABC D

I just fake ate dinner

it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I chewed on a lot of fried chicken but I never swallowed. I did swallow about six tablespoons of split pea soup. it was liquidy. it reminded me of my veggie juices. I also had to chew on a lot of 'salad' honestly idk what you call lettuce drenching in bleu cheese dressing. I swallowed like 2 leaves.

im gonna say I ate about 300cals today total.

120-apple juice
0-green iced tea
180-fake eating dinner.

im kinda pissed that I had to do this but im not devastated. I guess cause I know if tomorrow I don't see what I wanna see on the scale im just gonna start fasting again until I do. also during the week its soo much easier to get away with not eating.

im disappointed but im not devastated. I didn't lose control. my stomach still feels empty but my mouth feels violated. lol. wasn't supposed to sound so sexual. but it does. my mouth feels like a vacuum bag. all these specks and bits of food. unwanted food. hope all of you are doing better.


think thinn



like kate moss in the 90s getting loved on by johnny depp thin. not fake eating dinner thin.

off subject: I changed my 'about me'

check it out if you like. I've got all these thoughts going on and im sure its because of this article my english professor made me read.

its called 'the numbing of the american mind' and its by thomas de zengotita.

its soo good. I think. I mean the way he describes the different levels of real. I mean idk if any of you have noticed but I have. and I feel like in the world of weightloss, eating disorders are what's real. its seriously like people taking control even when it hurts. and hurting when we've lost control because its like real. its apart of us. idk. I would rather binge right now after 2 1/2 days of fasting and hurt. like truly hurt. than get a trainer and go on a diet and be healthy and wait 10 years to lose anything substantial. because that's fabricated. its a story to tell people. its something to help you define yourself, which is fine, everyone has their story that defines them, but I just don't think it should be linked to losing weight cause its not. im losing weight. im sitting at home, I don't make eye contact with the kitchen, I stay busy to burn calories, I post here so I don't think about food, I and you and everyone else like us is weight loss. we're real weight loss. we're the struggle and the sacrifice. those people are another breed.

you can fnd the article here

http://www.harpers.org/archive/2002/04/0079134

10hrs away from 3 full days of fasting.

yeah that's right. I didn't eat at all yesterday. so it may not be a big deal to some of you fasting pros but I've never made it more than a day and im on my way to nailing three!

yesterday I only had a venti coffee in the morning and water for the rest of the day. today I've had a bit more calorie wise.

about to get quasi gross but yesterday I started my period and not til night did the cramps come. and I get horrible cramps like that make me throw up (which im sure I would've done if I were eating). but im scared to take an asprin after not eating so I read online about how walking helps. so this morn I walked for 1hour and 40mins. I was so proud of myself. but halfway through I was feeling it like I thought I was going to faint.

so I got an apple juice box which was 120cals. then my mom paid for me to go get my nails done which was a god send. cause you know how after a workout you just wanna eat everything in sight, yeah? well that was curbed by all the models in the glossy mags I flipped through in the shop. not taking care of my nails paid off :)

I got a venti iced green tea at starbucks cause coffee was getting boring. and actually I think that was zero cals cause tea doesn't have cals and I just added splenda. so I don't feel so bad cause just right now my mom came home and asked me if I wanted some of her gingerale and I was like 'yeah!' cause I didn't wanna get suspicious.

then I was like 'are you still making the chicken' because she's been talking about it ALL DAY and she goes yeah soon. but im getting out of that.

im cleaning my room now and I have all these clothes to put on a hanger so im gonna get out of making a plate as soon as she's done, which is what she likes- to watch me and make sure I get enough by saying 'oh im still putting clothes on a hanger.' and usually we eat and watch tv together but I just got its always sunny in philadelphia (hilarious btw) on dvd so im gonna be like 'oh I wanna watch that on my tv' which she won't say anything to because she doesn't like the show.

then im gonna close my door and throw out like half the soup and like one chicken thing and just leave it. because like clockwork my mom will like bust in my room unannounced to just see what im doing or to tell me something trivial i.e. see if im eating.

so that's the plan. fasting is so much fun. I feel so relaxed. like I just sit in my chair and I close my eyes and I don't fall asleep but im so weak that its more than just closing my eyes, you know? its like nice.

off subject but this guy in my class that I go to tomorrow has had a crush on me since the first day and I've just decided now that I like him back. and I think tomorrow is our last class or second to last. so im hoping he talks to me and wants to keep in touch. wish me luck. I have to look nice, open, and approachable. and I know if I eat anything I will get into such a funk ill look depressed and might scare him away. so this is real important to keep this fast up, for my spirits!!

I hope all of you are doing good. I really do. being successful is like the best high. I still haven't weighed myself. I plan to tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up. im not gonna eat in the morning but I might in the afternoon it depends.

I sort of want to do a five day fast that would be only til tuesday. idk. im definitely buying some juice (last post, checkit) so that if I truly break ill at least have that.

I feel so good. I will not let my six followers down lol.

sometimes from my phone im unable to comment on the blogs that im reading so if you know some support let them know about my blog. I could use it. knowing at least one person reads this is such a stable rock to fall back on when it comes to eating.

wish me luck with everything

think thinn

hey queenie oh queenie ((IMBACK))

I have six followers. hmm. well people you should know some things.

I stopped posting in july cause my mom turned off my phone. and this is the way I post because my internet access is limited.

im sorry about that.

also im a different person, and some of you may not agree with my new ideas.

I started college and im finishing up my first semester. im a different person completely. I read that last post and to me its like a different person.


anyhoo. I fasted all day yesterday. I had just a grande coffee and a venti coffee from starbucks. id say under 200. but more than likely, 100.

I don't think of this as 'ana' as a struggle, as a negative. for now. this may change but I was reading some blogs and they're like 'this is my demon.' 'oh, this is hell.' 'I just want to die.'

quite the opposite with me. this time around and honestly I know my success is inevitable. I hate food. I do. I eat to feel normal around people, its like to be socially sound. and then my insides the physical part of me is just horrid. my body hates food.


before I came back to heavy restricting I started drinking juices and I HIGHLY recommend it. especially like carrot juice. the taste is not too great, its got like a bite to it lol, but its so low in calories, yet high in nutrition. AND since your body isn't digesting 40 baby carrots, you feel the energy immediately and most important hunger just goes away.

hunger=your body wanting nutrition.

its so much better to give your body a little concentrated nutrition (i.e. vegetable juice) than a lot of what fatties cal food.

you seriously have to eat so much of that, to get the same result from a few sips of carrot juice.

carrot juice takes a while to get used to. if you absolutely can't stand it, find something else. MUST BE A VEGETABLE. fruit juice is so high in cals it'll be defeating the purpose.

hope that helps. I miss you all. comment if you're still reading.


I read this on someone else's blog and it made me very happy. its the sum of my efforts:

"fast and be pretty."


so simple, so true. im tired of agonizing over 'ana' I want to fast, be the envy of others, get the boy, and be signed to a modeling agency. stat :)


my weight yesterday was 142. I don't want to weigh myself again til monday morning.


I find weighings jinx me. if im still fat, I think im getting no where and there's no point so I eat. and if im thinner, I reason its only a little and I eat and gain it back.

monday I've got class so that should help me get a start on not damning myself because of the scale as I hurry off to school.

I appreciate you all. sorry its been a bit. hope you're still reading.

think thin!!

i just ate a bunch of stuff.

i really cant remember a time when a fast worked for me. i feel real ashamed. not so much gross anymore cause im laying out flat. all i can do is think. im real sorry everyone. real sorry. i feel horrible. this happens everytime.

ive never been 135. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never.

i dont want it bad enough. i want to be fat forever. maybe im more of a eat breakfast and nothing else kind of person. i have no idea. at least tomorrow and everyday after im going to yoga.

eeeew. i keep burping and i retaste the grossness that i ate. yeah. thats why We dont eat. ugh. wish me a better tomorrow.

i hope youre all doing better than me,
thanks a lot for the comment pixie,

Strict Chick

im trying not to get too happy.

but i weighed myself this morning and im 140..! i think its bc this is the first time in a while that i weighed myself as soon as i woke up (after the bathroom). also ive been here soo many times. i usually plateu and give up. the last time this happened was april.

when you start losing, dont you wonder like 'wow. i was really fat. why didnt any of my friends say something?' like.. i dont LOVE what i see in the mirror right now soo wtf did i look like before??? idk something i was thinking about.

so now i have about 12 days to lose 5lbs by aug 1.. im rethinking that goal for many reasons:

1. i didnt find out til after i made my plans that this event is going on sat, aug1 at night and all of my friends will be there. even ppl i was just kinda friends with which is great bc i want them to all see how thin i am but my one friend knows i used to have a crush on this guy and im afraid she'll tell everyone i did it for him. which i didnt! fuck. im soo pissed that he planned this for aug1

2. this saturday theres something going on. idk if my friends are going but i really hope they are bc maybe i can show how thin i am there and not go to the aug1 thing.

and actually. fuck. i shouldnt even think about her. i HATE her. we used to be good friends and she told me how her parents always get on her about her weight although she does everything to lower it. like shes a 'vegetarian' and she eats like 500cals a day, all fruits and veggies, and i felt really bad. we all know the feeling, when the weight just wont come off.

but then i started to realize she eats a lot more than she lets on. i had a bday party and someone made a cake and then my other friend brought all of these cupcakes from her shop..

first: she kept bugging EVERYBODY, interrupting conversations to say, 'lets open presents, we should open presents' so im like wtf is her problem? then i remembered her asking me about the cake while everyone was getting food, like um meal food not dessert food, if she could have some cake and i was like 'after presents' just to get her to go away. once i realized she only wanted cake i was pissed.

and then everyone eats a huge slice of cake and no one wants any cupcakes. she waits til everyones leaving to go 'what are you going to do with those cupcakes?' VERY accusingly. like what do you think we're going to do with them? AND she wasnt even the girl who brought them. the girl who brought them had already left and didnt care bc thats COMMON ETTIQUETTE. so i was like 'idk do you want some?' and shes like 'no, my dad would kill me' and then she started acting like i should invite her back inside to gorge on the 20something cupcakes. wtf?

then she calls herself a vegetarian. we went to a restaurant and they accidentally brought her a beef hamburger and she started eating it. so of course i go 'arent you vegetarian?' and she like flips out about how shes eating it for the environment.

riight.

you know the more i think about it, FUCK HER. im sorry i curse a lot, even more when im pissed. but seriously who the fuck is she? shes like 3yrs younger than me why should i care? i think im gonna go. i dont care if she tells people i did it for him.

oh and very important. this is why im sure she would make me to seem like some crazy psycho stalking anorexic, she used to like him!! supposedly. i think she still does. shes such a freak too, she told me she changed her whole route for walking to classes so that he would NOT see her. yeah not. i cant remember why although i find it hilarious bc im positive he doesnt even know who she is!

also earlier this past year he came to visit, cause he graduated last year, but i wasnt there bc i was sick. she, my supposed friend, goes on and on about, 'he looks soo ugly now' 'his face has gotten soo fat' 'hes not skinny anymore' and she actually said: 'this was closure for me like thats how bad he looked'

CLOSURE? he doesnt even know who the fuck she is! at least my shit is out there. like everyone, including him, knows i used to like him. so there. what can you do? this girl on the other hand is so full of shit. and she was blantantly lying. in front of her to my other friend i was like, 'i heard his face got fat' and she was like 'no it didnt. he looks exactly the same.' so basically shes just trying to get rid of me so she can FINALLY introduce herself and they can go get married. im sure thats how it works out in her cuckoo fantasy.

im going. yeah i dont care. im going. super fucking skinny and all. and shes going to pry and ask how i did it... OMG im gonna tell her i became vegetarian! ahahahhahaha that would piss her off soo bad.

shes so grotesque looking too. she has super skinny legs, like the legs We all want. but like a really large belly and like super big cheeks and no breasts. she looks like a freak, its repulsing.

yeah im going. and if she asks, HA if i talk to her, im going to say 'i became a vegetarian and i started doing yoga.'

after i started yoga last year she was like 'yeah i think im gonna start this summer' i highly doubt her fat ass did it.

ugh ok srry for all of that, how it relates to ana: dont you just hate girls like that? who constantly talk about their weight, how they really need to lose, and they go on diets and such but cant understand why it doesnt come off? its like they dont have the willpower for ana and EVERYONE else has to hear about it?? like yeah We all have issues with food and weight and everything but how many of us actually talk about it? bring it up whenever we can? its like i really dont want to hear this shit girl ESPECIALLY when all you have to do is PUT THE FORK DOWN.

ugh. im pissed. ahaha it was nice to get it out. this was a v. random, personal, non ana sort of post i hope none of you minded. i really appreciate this, and you, thats been on my chest for a while.

so to sum up me and my weight and all that:

im 140lbs my goal was 135 by aug1 but i think im gonna lower it to 133 or something. or try for 135 by this saturday, a week in advance. today im restarting my juice fast. sorry i tried to comment Ana's Girl and couldnt, but i dont think i can keep up with the ABC.. but i am here if you need help! i really try to listen to my body (which isnt the norm among anas, i know) so like if i know i need food or rest i give it to myself.

like today. i woke up kinda sore. not in one place but like an 'all over' sore. im sure my body needs rest, i havent done Yoga in forever, so thats what im going to do. its give and take, since im not working out today im not eating. i hope to do a class tomorrow. once i reach 135 i will post better pictures.

also these are the blogs im reading although i cant officially 'follow'

pokerface
eva can fly
Ana's girl
thin is in
pro ana quest

also i checked out a few that comment pokerface.. i feel sort of left out of this network but hopefully if i get myself to a computer that will change.

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

my fast is off.

i think im just going to restrict. i didnt binge or anything but i had two yogurt cups and some plantanes.

yogurt: 110cals each (x2=220cals)
grapefruit juice:80
plantanes.. i have no idea. i only had a few. im gonna say 500cals for today cause i did yoga.

i want to do a juice fast eventually but it might be better to do one when im under less suspicion. also i hope that since i ate i can actually fall asleep! i hate how it takes longer to get dark, during the school year if im trying not to eat i start trying to fall asleep at like 6.. ugh.

im looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. my legs actually look kind of gross right now bc the yoga loosened up my muscle and now they look super jiggly. hopefully since its loose i can drop it faster. i must be thin!

sorry i never posted thinspo.. im on my phone and that makes it super hard. im sorry. i hope youre all doing great :)

im really tired.

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

3day juice fast

are my two followers up for the challenge?

I've only had grapefruit juice today and since i cant sleep anyways i thought a three day fast with yoga would be really good to jump start the losing. i have 9lbs and like 12 days. starting tomorrow.

i think it would be really fun :) im getting better at hiding food from my mom. this is the main reason i dont do fasts because sometimes, for her, i have to put something in my mouth and just knowing that she is the reason why i broke a fast UGH i verge on going psychotic! but i think i could do it. i did it last night. i did it this morning. i just remembered i didnt take the trash out. i hope she didnt check it earlier.. nope. still tied in a knot like i left it.

its great cause shes soo anal about the dishes being washed ALL the time so i dont even have to dirty them up to prove i ate, i just have to throw the food away!

join me on a three day juice fast! ill only be having grapefruit. wow. i just realized im standing in my kitchen and i dont want to eat anything, im writing about a three day juice fast HAHA

Think Thinn,
lemme know if you wanna fast together,
Strict Chick

i seriously looove Yoga!

i cannot stress this enough Yoga is sooo good for you! the place i went to today is even better than the place i went to before im soo happy :)

also my mom came in with me and i was going to pay $10 for one class but they have this special where you can do unlimited classes for 2weeks for $29 and my mom let me get it bc im not doing anything else during the day SCORE!! guess whos going to be doing yoga for the next two weeks??

my goal was 135 by aug1 which is 2weeks from yesterday and the last time i weighed in i had about 9lbs to go. im believing in myself that this can happen. it must! i had a small glass of grapefruit juice before i left and im glad i did because i started to feel like i was going to faint! also my back has been screwed up on account of my old mattress, all gone now! my posture is so much better and good posture burns calories!!

also Yoga itself burns calories while opening your body up to repairing itself! i was sweating soo much which i didnt expect at all because that NEVER happened at the other place i went to. it was all about relaxation which is good i guess. here though we like really stretch i love it! my muscles are so tight and bulky and now i feel a little bit more limber and thin :) after two weeks i should look amazing i am sooooooooooo excited! i will tell you all about it along the way (of course).

my mom left to go to this thing so im gonna make some food and pretend i ate it so that later i wont have to. that would mean all i had was the grapefruit juice so im definitely in the negative. i also took the bus home and had to walk a bit and its super sunny//hot today.

wow. i truly love days like this. seriously. this week, i had doubting moments but i was like 'no matter what you think just dont eat. bottom line, dont eat. it will work just dont give in.' and it was tough. i was alone a lot and i was thinking like FML i hate having to do this just to be happy but really when youre getting thinner, it is SO worth it!

so just keep starving. KEEP STARVING DONT GIVE IN! one day soon you will remember this post when you cant wipe that giant smile off your face no matter how hard you try!

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

p.s. bc of the recession, tons of yoga places are having deals. i know everyone doesnt live in so cal where theyre like on every corner but look it up! its a great way to burn cals without getting bulky muscle (my personal biggest issue) and its really good for your body and face it, youre kind of STARVING it. so go do some yoga! its such a light workout ANYONE can do it seriously. the ppl in my class were not limber and thin in the least bit. im sure i was the smallest which is sad. also the teacher had the fattest ass i have ever seen (not good for yoga pants :/ ) so GO!! NO EXCUSES!!

comment if you have any questions, its what im here for!

hello once again :)

i finished all my chores and i still have about another hour til the class. good news: my mom is relunctantly letting me go to yoga (i did all my chores without her saying a thing, what could she do?) and she doesnt want me to take the bus so shes taking me there. thats good and bad. i was looking forward to my walk to the bus stop. i might have to take the bus back though so its ok.
this is my first time going to yoga in a while and its a new place so im kind of nervous. also, I've shut myself in the house the past 2weeks or so focusing on losing weight, so this is my first actual human interaction in a while, not counting my mother. so yeah im nervous. i just feel like everyone hates me. idk. my back has been hurting and my posture is going to hell so i hope they can help with that.

i was rereading my intro post and i didnt put my age i put 'im young.' well. I've been looking at other blogs and these girls are like 15! im 19. so im young but not super young. fyi.

this is what i wanted to talk about, i touched on it briefly in my last post. ok so yes i love ana. i love losing. i love smoking pot with friends. i love coffee. i love cigarettes. basically i love all the bad shit. but only when i start really starving do i realize the toll it takes on my body and i feel bad. like i feel sorry for my body. i dont want to eat but i just feel like its crying for food and i have to console it cause i know its not getting any. usually when i start starving i stop everything else. i had a tall coffee yesterday with tons of water//half&half, my first in days. i havent smoked pot in a bit and dont think i will for a good while. especially since school is starting soon. if you dont smoke pot (thats really great! seriously) its kind of hard to understand but everyone isnt like those above the influence commercials. im veyr mature and i understand everything has a time and a place and during school i usually dont smoke. i dont do anything, i study. i do very well in school. i think im just super smart but i only perform like im smart. well in high school i did cause i was completely unhappy but in college its going to be different. but yeah anyways when i tell people i blaze they really cant believe it. i also hate being around ignorant people and i usually do it alone so.. idk my point is that im not some lazy ass stoner. there.

anyways what i really wanted to talk about which hopefully can help some of you is when im feeling bad about starving bc its so bad for my body, i go the extra mile to pamper myself. also, keeping busy doing something nice for yourself can help you NOT think about food :)

these are some things i find time to do everyday (usually when i get a hunger pain). also keep in mind right now my schedule is super free and if you dont have time for everything just try to do some things it really will elevate your mood.

-make your bed
-really brush your teeth. like brush tongue, floss, mouthwash, everything.
-keep your room//house tidy
-take a long hot shower//bath.
-find a great smelling lotion you really like to use after
-sweep
-clean the kitchen. i love cleaning the stove. after scrubbing and scrubbing i completely forget about food and like an hour has gone by.

tip on cleaning stoves with tons of grease, cause if its really caked on you might give up if it isnt helping. take some baking soda and mix with water to form a paste. pour its right on the spots. leave for about 5-10mins. then take the rough side of a sponge and go to town!

this post was kind of random, not much food involved but i hope it helped. if it wasnt helpful let me know just comment as anonymous i really dont mind. this blog is as much for me as it is for you :)

thinspo later!

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

ugh kinda pissed right now

didnt get to bed til after 1am and my mom just woke me up asking the most mudane question. i was like why are you asking me now when im sleep and she goes oh i thought you were awake i thought i heard you walking around.

riight.

sleep is very important to me i always feel like i never get enough.. any tips on falling asleep would be greatly appreciated. but be advised this is not a tips and tricks site. true anorexics know there are no real tips and tricks, there's eating and not eating, being out of control and being in control, looking like a monster and looking like a sweet skinny girl or boy (am i the only person that thinks when i gain i look meaner? i think its bc im so tall i feel like im towering over ppl like some cliche bully. ugh. not attractive).

SKINNY! thanks soo much for the comment. i work primarily from my phone so some stuff i cant do, like comment back :( it makes it really hard to get the word out about my blog. if you really like my blog, please be sure to tell a friend or two thanks sooo much :)

kk skinny. last week. lets see. i started heavily restricting last friday. saturday was good and then sunday i was supposed to hang out with a friend. this friend and i have a weird relationship, im very intimidated by her. shes bulimic and shes a lot skinnier than me (not for loong ;] ) and at the last minute she ended up canceling on me. and i felt real bad for different reasons and i bought some pot. BAD IDEA. i got stoned//binged sunday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday i realized that pot was keeping me back, like it was hard enough to restrict but with the munchies?? ugh its agonizing. so basically you need to figure out whats keeping you back and take control. think about what your trigger could be and be honest! this was just last weds that i took control, not even a week ago and last night i posted pictures of myself. i would have NEVER did that on weds, i looked that bad!

also this is what i think about when tempted: 'yes, starving is hard. yes, im hungry. but life is fucking hard. its hard today bc im starving but tomorrow it might be hard cause of something else and it would be a lot worse if im fat.' which is the truth right? after binging has someone ever done something or said something and you just lose control and think, 'i would soo better handle this if i was skinny.' i know i do. think about that.
also think about the times that you lost a bit and you were really happy. and TRY REAL HARD to think up a time you were happy after binging. yeah. nothings coming up right? or run to your comp and look at thinspo. these are all just options, you have to find what works for you. so find it! dont be idle. i know 'you have to find what works for you' is very cliche but its true. no one can put a stop to this but YOU! im here to just cheer you on :)

but to answer your question, since weds I've been doing real good. especially if you disregard the bread thing.

i really want to start yoga again. there is a class this morning im debating whether or not i should go. i really want to but i hate my mom giving me shit about working out. hmm idk.

i HIGHLY recommend yoga. also go to a studio dont try to do it by yourself. I've never met anyone who taught yoga who was mean or judgemental. usually theyre super nice and really helpful and get you into position correctly so you can reap all of the benefits and not hurt yourself. it actually burns a few cals and is good for the body overall. which i really like cause im starving it, which makes me feel bad. i will have to do a post on that i think it would be helpful. hmm later. anyways i feel so empty and pure i wanna go to yoga like this. i have to keep busy it doesnt start for another three hrs.

i hope everyones doing good. leave a quick comment with thoughts or tell a friend!

later im gonna post thinspo!!

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

p.s. this is currently my ultimate favorite thinspo



and this is my screensaver on my phone



a good thinspo blog is
skinny-thin.blogpsot.com

if you like it, tell her i referred you :)

k ttyl think thinn!!

before i get into yesterday

i have a follower!! this makes me super happy. i hope you like it thus far please invite other skinnies//leave a comment :)

so yesterday. it started off fine i guess. but i kept craving bread. so i go 'okay ill only have one slice.' and i did. but i just hated the fact that i wanted it in the first place. it was like as soon as i awoke in the morning, just knowing it was there was just too much i had to have some. i did this exact same thing the day before. i craved bread, i gave myself a little, i walked away, and didnt gain. but wtf? was this going to happen everyday? i hated that i couldnt control my want of bread. i knew the next day i would want some and that my stomach would gnaw until i had some and that this would keep going on until the bread was gone and i wasnt having it. so i poured a tall glass of water and forced 10 slices down my throat in one sitting. 1200cals. and it was worth it bc now i HATE bread. ugh the thought is repulsing. i dont feel bad about this. this was not an out of control binge, this was a punishment. or a plan to get me to stop craving bread, and it worked. i didnt really gain either i just stayed the same. also i was beginning to plateu anyways. today i had a large breakfast. idk how many cals and i dont want to imagine.

i had:
almond croissant
oragina(the small one)
tall coffee
pineapple
watermelon

i feel alright though bc i had it this morn and I've been running around. also its 1am and im still not asleep so obviously it didnt do too much.

tomorrow i only want to eat bfast too just one thats a lot smaller. my mom is totally on to me and in the past i allowed her to guilt trip me into eating. not anymore. if she wants to make a plate for me like im 2yrs old im just gonna have to throw it away.

i hope everythings going good. I've got 2 more weeks of heavy restricting and i need your help.

Think Thinn,
strict chick

i hope i can be your thinspo :)

so yesterday was tough i will go into that in a separate post. this one is to show off my progress.

i currently cant sleep and so i started taking some photos while lying here in bed. im real sorry cause my flash is shit and in some my belly button looks weird but i hope i could still be your thinspo (partially?)


i really like my legs in this one.


you can sort of see my nudge of a baby hipbone


ugh this is why i hate the flash. you can sort of see how defined my ribs are now on the right.


i really like my legs in this one too.

I'm soo upset.

its 12 15 and I still havent fallen asleep. I've been lying here since 940ish.

does anyone know why when you eat less its harder to fall asleep? any tips??

maybe it was for the best. look what I found here: http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/india-news/modelling-agencys-sickly-diet-regimen-to-keep-models-waif-thin_10079287.html


" Modelling agencys sickly diet regimen to keep models waif-thin August 3rd, 2008 - 11:46 am ICT by ANI -

New York, Aug 3 (ANI): A leading modelling agency has a unique way of keeping their already stick like models waif-thin they ask the girls to survive mostly on orange juice and coffee.

According to sources, Major Model Management agents have told some already too-thin models there that they need to lose even more weight, which isn”t unusual. It’’s the diet that has the models upset.

“One was told she had to lose 15 pounds, the New York Post quoted a source, as saying.

“She got strict instructions. She was told to only have a little bit of orange juice and a big coffee in the morning, which would make her go to the bathroom.

Then she was told to keep sucking down coffee all day until at least 3 p.m., when she could eat lettuce with a tiny bit of tuna with a drop of mayo.

Dinner is a tiny square of broiled fish about 2 inches long and a glass of wine, the source added.

The source added that the girls are also discouraged from hitting the gym because the stylists don”t want the models to have any muscle tone.

A rep for Major did not return a call and e-mail for comment. (ANI) "

I wonder if it works.

here's the diet part again:
B: orange juice, coffee
snack: coffee
L: lettuce, tuna with mayo(eew)
D: broiled fish, wine

I'm sure the wine helps with sleeping. I wish I could drink a bit before bed I probably wouldnt be here posting.

tell me if you try it.

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

p.s gonna try to sleep again wish me luck :)

so far 2nd day where I havent completely fucked myself

And its going to stay that way right? Its almost 4 30. I planned earlier to have a small bite but after the whole debacle with the bread I wont dare. Lately my heart has been feeling weird and I've been getting really bad chest pains. I also feel like I'm going to blackout just about everytime I stand. And I read online that when you starve yourself your body eats your muscle first. And everyone knows the heart is a muscle, so I'm making this connection on my own and the site goes on to just affirm what I was already thinking. And it talked about how your heart will just weaken. And that really freaked me out so today I decided to eat every two hours so that my body wouldnt go into starvation mode and start eating my cardiac muscle. Also the article talked about eating more often conditions your body to burn fat and build muscle. Which sounds jolly good to mee!

So I awoke at dawn

6am: 1scrambled egg
70ish cals (at the v. most)

8 30am: 2/3cup peas
90cals

10 30am: black beans
100cals

12 30pm: broccoli/grilled chicken
150cals

2 30pm: slice of bread
130cals

3 40pm: chewed/spitted slice of bread
20 cals?

I included the last one because (in case you dont know) certain foods, but I know for sure bread, starts digestion in your mouth. Thats why if you suck on bread it'll look completely different from how it was before but if you suck on a celery stick it'll look exactly the same.

So my new plan. Hmm. I'm supposed to eat right now but dont think I will. My heart didnt feel too weird today and I actually didnt feel as sluggish or bad. I'm ending today at about 600cals which is 100 more than what I planned. But I also did a light workout in my home.
Yesterday was a total of 430cals. But that was all at one meal.

I actually feel really good about today. The last time I weighed myself was about two days ago and I was 146. I'm 5ft9.5 and my ultimate goal is to stay within 120-125. My shortterm goal for Aug1 is 135. Thats like 11lbs! Wow. I really hope I can recover from this weeks fuckups. Some people made me super upset and I ended up buying pot and usually (when I'm happier) I can control my urges but I was so upset I kept telling myself I didnt care. Now Aug1 is two weeks away and I have 11lbs to go. FML. I wish just not eating still actually worked for me.

I hope all of you are closer to your goals than I am.

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick

Hello there thinnie minnies

This is an intro post. This is as personal as I will get.

I'm young. I live in southern california. And I suffer from anorexia. I got out of recovery about 2 months ago and I've eaten on average about 1 meal a day since although the real weight hasnt come off as I would like sadly.

I began searching online for thinspo but more importantly a blog where a real person whom I could relate to told their story of pure misery. I found one where a girl is trying, very hard, and its also very popular, but it just wasnt for me. It dealt too much with her personal life. Luckily, I have another blog for that! This blog and you, are about to become my thinspo. I seriously almost had a slice of bread and then I thought up the idea of sharing what I'm going through because it is so hard. Like I didnt even really want the bread, you know?

I think you do, and I'm really glad youre here :)

Think Thinn,
Strict Chick.