i really cant remember a time when a fast worked for me. i feel real ashamed. not so much gross anymore cause im laying out flat. all i can do is think. im real sorry everyone. real sorry. i feel horrible. this happens everytime.
ive never been 135. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never. never.
i dont want it bad enough. i want to be fat forever. maybe im more of a eat breakfast and nothing else kind of person. i have no idea. at least tomorrow and everyday after im going to yoga.
eeeew. i keep burping and i retaste the grossness that i ate. yeah. thats why We dont eat. ugh. wish me a better tomorrow.
i hope youre all doing better than me,
thanks a lot for the comment pixie,
Strict Chick
Monday, July 20, 2009
im trying not to get too happy.
but i weighed myself this morning and im 140..! i think its bc this is the first time in a while that i weighed myself as soon as i woke up (after the bathroom). also ive been here soo many times. i usually plateu and give up. the last time this happened was april.
when you start losing, dont you wonder like 'wow. i was really fat. why didnt any of my friends say something?' like.. i dont LOVE what i see in the mirror right now soo wtf did i look like before??? idk something i was thinking about.
so now i have about 12 days to lose 5lbs by aug 1.. im rethinking that goal for many reasons:
1. i didnt find out til after i made my plans that this event is going on sat, aug1 at night and all of my friends will be there. even ppl i was just kinda friends with which is great bc i want them to all see how thin i am but my one friend knows i used to have a crush on this guy and im afraid she'll tell everyone i did it for him. which i didnt! fuck. im soo pissed that he planned this for aug1
2. this saturday theres something going on. idk if my friends are going but i really hope they are bc maybe i can show how thin i am there and not go to the aug1 thing.
and actually. fuck. i shouldnt even think about her. i HATE her. we used to be good friends and she told me how her parents always get on her about her weight although she does everything to lower it. like shes a 'vegetarian' and she eats like 500cals a day, all fruits and veggies, and i felt really bad. we all know the feeling, when the weight just wont come off.
but then i started to realize she eats a lot more than she lets on. i had a bday party and someone made a cake and then my other friend brought all of these cupcakes from her shop..
first: she kept bugging EVERYBODY, interrupting conversations to say, 'lets open presents, we should open presents' so im like wtf is her problem? then i remembered her asking me about the cake while everyone was getting food, like um meal food not dessert food, if she could have some cake and i was like 'after presents' just to get her to go away. once i realized she only wanted cake i was pissed.
and then everyone eats a huge slice of cake and no one wants any cupcakes. she waits til everyones leaving to go 'what are you going to do with those cupcakes?' VERY accusingly. like what do you think we're going to do with them? AND she wasnt even the girl who brought them. the girl who brought them had already left and didnt care bc thats COMMON ETTIQUETTE. so i was like 'idk do you want some?' and shes like 'no, my dad would kill me' and then she started acting like i should invite her back inside to gorge on the 20something cupcakes. wtf?
then she calls herself a vegetarian. we went to a restaurant and they accidentally brought her a beef hamburger and she started eating it. so of course i go 'arent you vegetarian?' and she like flips out about how shes eating it for the environment.
riight.
you know the more i think about it, FUCK HER. im sorry i curse a lot, even more when im pissed. but seriously who the fuck is she? shes like 3yrs younger than me why should i care? i think im gonna go. i dont care if she tells people i did it for him.
oh and very important. this is why im sure she would make me to seem like some crazy psycho stalking anorexic, she used to like him!! supposedly. i think she still does. shes such a freak too, she told me she changed her whole route for walking to classes so that he would NOT see her. yeah not. i cant remember why although i find it hilarious bc im positive he doesnt even know who she is!
also earlier this past year he came to visit, cause he graduated last year, but i wasnt there bc i was sick. she, my supposed friend, goes on and on about, 'he looks soo ugly now' 'his face has gotten soo fat' 'hes not skinny anymore' and she actually said: 'this was closure for me like thats how bad he looked'
CLOSURE? he doesnt even know who the fuck she is! at least my shit is out there. like everyone, including him, knows i used to like him. so there. what can you do? this girl on the other hand is so full of shit. and she was blantantly lying. in front of her to my other friend i was like, 'i heard his face got fat' and she was like 'no it didnt. he looks exactly the same.' so basically shes just trying to get rid of me so she can FINALLY introduce herself and they can go get married. im sure thats how it works out in her cuckoo fantasy.
im going. yeah i dont care. im going. super fucking skinny and all. and shes going to pry and ask how i did it... OMG im gonna tell her i became vegetarian! ahahahhahaha that would piss her off soo bad.
shes so grotesque looking too. she has super skinny legs, like the legs We all want. but like a really large belly and like super big cheeks and no breasts. she looks like a freak, its repulsing.
yeah im going. and if she asks, HA if i talk to her, im going to say 'i became a vegetarian and i started doing yoga.'
after i started yoga last year she was like 'yeah i think im gonna start this summer' i highly doubt her fat ass did it.
ugh ok srry for all of that, how it relates to ana: dont you just hate girls like that? who constantly talk about their weight, how they really need to lose, and they go on diets and such but cant understand why it doesnt come off? its like they dont have the willpower for ana and EVERYONE else has to hear about it?? like yeah We all have issues with food and weight and everything but how many of us actually talk about it? bring it up whenever we can? its like i really dont want to hear this shit girl ESPECIALLY when all you have to do is PUT THE FORK DOWN.
ugh. im pissed. ahaha it was nice to get it out. this was a v. random, personal, non ana sort of post i hope none of you minded. i really appreciate this, and you, thats been on my chest for a while.
so to sum up me and my weight and all that:
im 140lbs my goal was 135 by aug1 but i think im gonna lower it to 133 or something. or try for 135 by this saturday, a week in advance. today im restarting my juice fast. sorry i tried to comment Ana's Girl and couldnt, but i dont think i can keep up with the ABC.. but i am here if you need help! i really try to listen to my body (which isnt the norm among anas, i know) so like if i know i need food or rest i give it to myself.
like today. i woke up kinda sore. not in one place but like an 'all over' sore. im sure my body needs rest, i havent done Yoga in forever, so thats what im going to do. its give and take, since im not working out today im not eating. i hope to do a class tomorrow. once i reach 135 i will post better pictures.
also these are the blogs im reading although i cant officially 'follow'
pokerface
eva can fly
Ana's girl
thin is in
pro ana quest
also i checked out a few that comment pokerface.. i feel sort of left out of this network but hopefully if i get myself to a computer that will change.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
when you start losing, dont you wonder like 'wow. i was really fat. why didnt any of my friends say something?' like.. i dont LOVE what i see in the mirror right now soo wtf did i look like before??? idk something i was thinking about.
so now i have about 12 days to lose 5lbs by aug 1.. im rethinking that goal for many reasons:
1. i didnt find out til after i made my plans that this event is going on sat, aug1 at night and all of my friends will be there. even ppl i was just kinda friends with which is great bc i want them to all see how thin i am but my one friend knows i used to have a crush on this guy and im afraid she'll tell everyone i did it for him. which i didnt! fuck. im soo pissed that he planned this for aug1
2. this saturday theres something going on. idk if my friends are going but i really hope they are bc maybe i can show how thin i am there and not go to the aug1 thing.
and actually. fuck. i shouldnt even think about her. i HATE her. we used to be good friends and she told me how her parents always get on her about her weight although she does everything to lower it. like shes a 'vegetarian' and she eats like 500cals a day, all fruits and veggies, and i felt really bad. we all know the feeling, when the weight just wont come off.
but then i started to realize she eats a lot more than she lets on. i had a bday party and someone made a cake and then my other friend brought all of these cupcakes from her shop..
first: she kept bugging EVERYBODY, interrupting conversations to say, 'lets open presents, we should open presents' so im like wtf is her problem? then i remembered her asking me about the cake while everyone was getting food, like um meal food not dessert food, if she could have some cake and i was like 'after presents' just to get her to go away. once i realized she only wanted cake i was pissed.
and then everyone eats a huge slice of cake and no one wants any cupcakes. she waits til everyones leaving to go 'what are you going to do with those cupcakes?' VERY accusingly. like what do you think we're going to do with them? AND she wasnt even the girl who brought them. the girl who brought them had already left and didnt care bc thats COMMON ETTIQUETTE. so i was like 'idk do you want some?' and shes like 'no, my dad would kill me' and then she started acting like i should invite her back inside to gorge on the 20something cupcakes. wtf?
then she calls herself a vegetarian. we went to a restaurant and they accidentally brought her a beef hamburger and she started eating it. so of course i go 'arent you vegetarian?' and she like flips out about how shes eating it for the environment.
riight.
you know the more i think about it, FUCK HER. im sorry i curse a lot, even more when im pissed. but seriously who the fuck is she? shes like 3yrs younger than me why should i care? i think im gonna go. i dont care if she tells people i did it for him.
oh and very important. this is why im sure she would make me to seem like some crazy psycho stalking anorexic, she used to like him!! supposedly. i think she still does. shes such a freak too, she told me she changed her whole route for walking to classes so that he would NOT see her. yeah not. i cant remember why although i find it hilarious bc im positive he doesnt even know who she is!
also earlier this past year he came to visit, cause he graduated last year, but i wasnt there bc i was sick. she, my supposed friend, goes on and on about, 'he looks soo ugly now' 'his face has gotten soo fat' 'hes not skinny anymore' and she actually said: 'this was closure for me like thats how bad he looked'
CLOSURE? he doesnt even know who the fuck she is! at least my shit is out there. like everyone, including him, knows i used to like him. so there. what can you do? this girl on the other hand is so full of shit. and she was blantantly lying. in front of her to my other friend i was like, 'i heard his face got fat' and she was like 'no it didnt. he looks exactly the same.' so basically shes just trying to get rid of me so she can FINALLY introduce herself and they can go get married. im sure thats how it works out in her cuckoo fantasy.
im going. yeah i dont care. im going. super fucking skinny and all. and shes going to pry and ask how i did it... OMG im gonna tell her i became vegetarian! ahahahhahaha that would piss her off soo bad.
shes so grotesque looking too. she has super skinny legs, like the legs We all want. but like a really large belly and like super big cheeks and no breasts. she looks like a freak, its repulsing.
yeah im going. and if she asks, HA if i talk to her, im going to say 'i became a vegetarian and i started doing yoga.'
after i started yoga last year she was like 'yeah i think im gonna start this summer' i highly doubt her fat ass did it.
ugh ok srry for all of that, how it relates to ana: dont you just hate girls like that? who constantly talk about their weight, how they really need to lose, and they go on diets and such but cant understand why it doesnt come off? its like they dont have the willpower for ana and EVERYONE else has to hear about it?? like yeah We all have issues with food and weight and everything but how many of us actually talk about it? bring it up whenever we can? its like i really dont want to hear this shit girl ESPECIALLY when all you have to do is PUT THE FORK DOWN.
ugh. im pissed. ahaha it was nice to get it out. this was a v. random, personal, non ana sort of post i hope none of you minded. i really appreciate this, and you, thats been on my chest for a while.
so to sum up me and my weight and all that:
im 140lbs my goal was 135 by aug1 but i think im gonna lower it to 133 or something. or try for 135 by this saturday, a week in advance. today im restarting my juice fast. sorry i tried to comment Ana's Girl and couldnt, but i dont think i can keep up with the ABC.. but i am here if you need help! i really try to listen to my body (which isnt the norm among anas, i know) so like if i know i need food or rest i give it to myself.
like today. i woke up kinda sore. not in one place but like an 'all over' sore. im sure my body needs rest, i havent done Yoga in forever, so thats what im going to do. its give and take, since im not working out today im not eating. i hope to do a class tomorrow. once i reach 135 i will post better pictures.
also these are the blogs im reading although i cant officially 'follow'
pokerface
eva can fly
Ana's girl
thin is in
pro ana quest
also i checked out a few that comment pokerface.. i feel sort of left out of this network but hopefully if i get myself to a computer that will change.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
Sunday, July 19, 2009
my fast is off.
i think im just going to restrict. i didnt binge or anything but i had two yogurt cups and some plantanes.
yogurt: 110cals each (x2=220cals)
grapefruit juice:80
plantanes.. i have no idea. i only had a few. im gonna say 500cals for today cause i did yoga.
i want to do a juice fast eventually but it might be better to do one when im under less suspicion. also i hope that since i ate i can actually fall asleep! i hate how it takes longer to get dark, during the school year if im trying not to eat i start trying to fall asleep at like 6.. ugh.
im looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. my legs actually look kind of gross right now bc the yoga loosened up my muscle and now they look super jiggly. hopefully since its loose i can drop it faster. i must be thin!
sorry i never posted thinspo.. im on my phone and that makes it super hard. im sorry. i hope youre all doing great :)
im really tired.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
yogurt: 110cals each (x2=220cals)
grapefruit juice:80
plantanes.. i have no idea. i only had a few. im gonna say 500cals for today cause i did yoga.
i want to do a juice fast eventually but it might be better to do one when im under less suspicion. also i hope that since i ate i can actually fall asleep! i hate how it takes longer to get dark, during the school year if im trying not to eat i start trying to fall asleep at like 6.. ugh.
im looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. my legs actually look kind of gross right now bc the yoga loosened up my muscle and now they look super jiggly. hopefully since its loose i can drop it faster. i must be thin!
sorry i never posted thinspo.. im on my phone and that makes it super hard. im sorry. i hope youre all doing great :)
im really tired.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
3day juice fast
are my two followers up for the challenge?
I've only had grapefruit juice today and since i cant sleep anyways i thought a three day fast with yoga would be really good to jump start the losing. i have 9lbs and like 12 days. starting tomorrow.
i think it would be really fun :) im getting better at hiding food from my mom. this is the main reason i dont do fasts because sometimes, for her, i have to put something in my mouth and just knowing that she is the reason why i broke a fast UGH i verge on going psychotic! but i think i could do it. i did it last night. i did it this morning. i just remembered i didnt take the trash out. i hope she didnt check it earlier.. nope. still tied in a knot like i left it.
its great cause shes soo anal about the dishes being washed ALL the time so i dont even have to dirty them up to prove i ate, i just have to throw the food away!
join me on a three day juice fast! ill only be having grapefruit. wow. i just realized im standing in my kitchen and i dont want to eat anything, im writing about a three day juice fast HAHA
Think Thinn,
lemme know if you wanna fast together,
Strict Chick
I've only had grapefruit juice today and since i cant sleep anyways i thought a three day fast with yoga would be really good to jump start the losing. i have 9lbs and like 12 days. starting tomorrow.
i think it would be really fun :) im getting better at hiding food from my mom. this is the main reason i dont do fasts because sometimes, for her, i have to put something in my mouth and just knowing that she is the reason why i broke a fast UGH i verge on going psychotic! but i think i could do it. i did it last night. i did it this morning. i just remembered i didnt take the trash out. i hope she didnt check it earlier.. nope. still tied in a knot like i left it.
its great cause shes soo anal about the dishes being washed ALL the time so i dont even have to dirty them up to prove i ate, i just have to throw the food away!
join me on a three day juice fast! ill only be having grapefruit. wow. i just realized im standing in my kitchen and i dont want to eat anything, im writing about a three day juice fast HAHA
Think Thinn,
lemme know if you wanna fast together,
Strict Chick
i seriously looove Yoga!
i cannot stress this enough Yoga is sooo good for you! the place i went to today is even better than the place i went to before im soo happy :)
also my mom came in with me and i was going to pay $10 for one class but they have this special where you can do unlimited classes for 2weeks for $29 and my mom let me get it bc im not doing anything else during the day SCORE!! guess whos going to be doing yoga for the next two weeks??
my goal was 135 by aug1 which is 2weeks from yesterday and the last time i weighed in i had about 9lbs to go. im believing in myself that this can happen. it must! i had a small glass of grapefruit juice before i left and im glad i did because i started to feel like i was going to faint! also my back has been screwed up on account of my old mattress, all gone now! my posture is so much better and good posture burns calories!!
also Yoga itself burns calories while opening your body up to repairing itself! i was sweating soo much which i didnt expect at all because that NEVER happened at the other place i went to. it was all about relaxation which is good i guess. here though we like really stretch i love it! my muscles are so tight and bulky and now i feel a little bit more limber and thin :) after two weeks i should look amazing i am sooooooooooo excited! i will tell you all about it along the way (of course).
my mom left to go to this thing so im gonna make some food and pretend i ate it so that later i wont have to. that would mean all i had was the grapefruit juice so im definitely in the negative. i also took the bus home and had to walk a bit and its super sunny//hot today.
wow. i truly love days like this. seriously. this week, i had doubting moments but i was like 'no matter what you think just dont eat. bottom line, dont eat. it will work just dont give in.' and it was tough. i was alone a lot and i was thinking like FML i hate having to do this just to be happy but really when youre getting thinner, it is SO worth it!
so just keep starving. KEEP STARVING DONT GIVE IN! one day soon you will remember this post when you cant wipe that giant smile off your face no matter how hard you try!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s. bc of the recession, tons of yoga places are having deals. i know everyone doesnt live in so cal where theyre like on every corner but look it up! its a great way to burn cals without getting bulky muscle (my personal biggest issue) and its really good for your body and face it, youre kind of STARVING it. so go do some yoga! its such a light workout ANYONE can do it seriously. the ppl in my class were not limber and thin in the least bit. im sure i was the smallest which is sad. also the teacher had the fattest ass i have ever seen (not good for yoga pants :/ ) so GO!! NO EXCUSES!!
comment if you have any questions, its what im here for!
also my mom came in with me and i was going to pay $10 for one class but they have this special where you can do unlimited classes for 2weeks for $29 and my mom let me get it bc im not doing anything else during the day SCORE!! guess whos going to be doing yoga for the next two weeks??
my goal was 135 by aug1 which is 2weeks from yesterday and the last time i weighed in i had about 9lbs to go. im believing in myself that this can happen. it must! i had a small glass of grapefruit juice before i left and im glad i did because i started to feel like i was going to faint! also my back has been screwed up on account of my old mattress, all gone now! my posture is so much better and good posture burns calories!!
also Yoga itself burns calories while opening your body up to repairing itself! i was sweating soo much which i didnt expect at all because that NEVER happened at the other place i went to. it was all about relaxation which is good i guess. here though we like really stretch i love it! my muscles are so tight and bulky and now i feel a little bit more limber and thin :) after two weeks i should look amazing i am sooooooooooo excited! i will tell you all about it along the way (of course).
my mom left to go to this thing so im gonna make some food and pretend i ate it so that later i wont have to. that would mean all i had was the grapefruit juice so im definitely in the negative. i also took the bus home and had to walk a bit and its super sunny//hot today.
wow. i truly love days like this. seriously. this week, i had doubting moments but i was like 'no matter what you think just dont eat. bottom line, dont eat. it will work just dont give in.' and it was tough. i was alone a lot and i was thinking like FML i hate having to do this just to be happy but really when youre getting thinner, it is SO worth it!
so just keep starving. KEEP STARVING DONT GIVE IN! one day soon you will remember this post when you cant wipe that giant smile off your face no matter how hard you try!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s. bc of the recession, tons of yoga places are having deals. i know everyone doesnt live in so cal where theyre like on every corner but look it up! its a great way to burn cals without getting bulky muscle (my personal biggest issue) and its really good for your body and face it, youre kind of STARVING it. so go do some yoga! its such a light workout ANYONE can do it seriously. the ppl in my class were not limber and thin in the least bit. im sure i was the smallest which is sad. also the teacher had the fattest ass i have ever seen (not good for yoga pants :/ ) so GO!! NO EXCUSES!!
comment if you have any questions, its what im here for!
hello once again :)
i finished all my chores and i still have about another hour til the class. good news: my mom is relunctantly letting me go to yoga (i did all my chores without her saying a thing, what could she do?) and she doesnt want me to take the bus so shes taking me there. thats good and bad. i was looking forward to my walk to the bus stop. i might have to take the bus back though so its ok.
this is my first time going to yoga in a while and its a new place so im kind of nervous. also, I've shut myself in the house the past 2weeks or so focusing on losing weight, so this is my first actual human interaction in a while, not counting my mother. so yeah im nervous. i just feel like everyone hates me. idk. my back has been hurting and my posture is going to hell so i hope they can help with that.
i was rereading my intro post and i didnt put my age i put 'im young.' well. I've been looking at other blogs and these girls are like 15! im 19. so im young but not super young. fyi.
this is what i wanted to talk about, i touched on it briefly in my last post. ok so yes i love ana. i love losing. i love smoking pot with friends. i love coffee. i love cigarettes. basically i love all the bad shit. but only when i start really starving do i realize the toll it takes on my body and i feel bad. like i feel sorry for my body. i dont want to eat but i just feel like its crying for food and i have to console it cause i know its not getting any. usually when i start starving i stop everything else. i had a tall coffee yesterday with tons of water//half&half, my first in days. i havent smoked pot in a bit and dont think i will for a good while. especially since school is starting soon. if you dont smoke pot (thats really great! seriously) its kind of hard to understand but everyone isnt like those above the influence commercials. im veyr mature and i understand everything has a time and a place and during school i usually dont smoke. i dont do anything, i study. i do very well in school. i think im just super smart but i only perform like im smart. well in high school i did cause i was completely unhappy but in college its going to be different. but yeah anyways when i tell people i blaze they really cant believe it. i also hate being around ignorant people and i usually do it alone so.. idk my point is that im not some lazy ass stoner. there.
anyways what i really wanted to talk about which hopefully can help some of you is when im feeling bad about starving bc its so bad for my body, i go the extra mile to pamper myself. also, keeping busy doing something nice for yourself can help you NOT think about food :)
these are some things i find time to do everyday (usually when i get a hunger pain). also keep in mind right now my schedule is super free and if you dont have time for everything just try to do some things it really will elevate your mood.
-make your bed
-really brush your teeth. like brush tongue, floss, mouthwash, everything.
-keep your room//house tidy
-take a long hot shower//bath.
-find a great smelling lotion you really like to use after
-sweep
-clean the kitchen. i love cleaning the stove. after scrubbing and scrubbing i completely forget about food and like an hour has gone by.
tip on cleaning stoves with tons of grease, cause if its really caked on you might give up if it isnt helping. take some baking soda and mix with water to form a paste. pour its right on the spots. leave for about 5-10mins. then take the rough side of a sponge and go to town!
this post was kind of random, not much food involved but i hope it helped. if it wasnt helpful let me know just comment as anonymous i really dont mind. this blog is as much for me as it is for you :)
thinspo later!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
this is my first time going to yoga in a while and its a new place so im kind of nervous. also, I've shut myself in the house the past 2weeks or so focusing on losing weight, so this is my first actual human interaction in a while, not counting my mother. so yeah im nervous. i just feel like everyone hates me. idk. my back has been hurting and my posture is going to hell so i hope they can help with that.
i was rereading my intro post and i didnt put my age i put 'im young.' well. I've been looking at other blogs and these girls are like 15! im 19. so im young but not super young. fyi.
this is what i wanted to talk about, i touched on it briefly in my last post. ok so yes i love ana. i love losing. i love smoking pot with friends. i love coffee. i love cigarettes. basically i love all the bad shit. but only when i start really starving do i realize the toll it takes on my body and i feel bad. like i feel sorry for my body. i dont want to eat but i just feel like its crying for food and i have to console it cause i know its not getting any. usually when i start starving i stop everything else. i had a tall coffee yesterday with tons of water//half&half, my first in days. i havent smoked pot in a bit and dont think i will for a good while. especially since school is starting soon. if you dont smoke pot (thats really great! seriously) its kind of hard to understand but everyone isnt like those above the influence commercials. im veyr mature and i understand everything has a time and a place and during school i usually dont smoke. i dont do anything, i study. i do very well in school. i think im just super smart but i only perform like im smart. well in high school i did cause i was completely unhappy but in college its going to be different. but yeah anyways when i tell people i blaze they really cant believe it. i also hate being around ignorant people and i usually do it alone so.. idk my point is that im not some lazy ass stoner. there.
anyways what i really wanted to talk about which hopefully can help some of you is when im feeling bad about starving bc its so bad for my body, i go the extra mile to pamper myself. also, keeping busy doing something nice for yourself can help you NOT think about food :)
these are some things i find time to do everyday (usually when i get a hunger pain). also keep in mind right now my schedule is super free and if you dont have time for everything just try to do some things it really will elevate your mood.
-make your bed
-really brush your teeth. like brush tongue, floss, mouthwash, everything.
-keep your room//house tidy
-take a long hot shower//bath.
-find a great smelling lotion you really like to use after
-sweep
-clean the kitchen. i love cleaning the stove. after scrubbing and scrubbing i completely forget about food and like an hour has gone by.
tip on cleaning stoves with tons of grease, cause if its really caked on you might give up if it isnt helping. take some baking soda and mix with water to form a paste. pour its right on the spots. leave for about 5-10mins. then take the rough side of a sponge and go to town!
this post was kind of random, not much food involved but i hope it helped. if it wasnt helpful let me know just comment as anonymous i really dont mind. this blog is as much for me as it is for you :)
thinspo later!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
ugh kinda pissed right now
didnt get to bed til after 1am and my mom just woke me up asking the most mudane question. i was like why are you asking me now when im sleep and she goes oh i thought you were awake i thought i heard you walking around.
riight.
sleep is very important to me i always feel like i never get enough.. any tips on falling asleep would be greatly appreciated. but be advised this is not a tips and tricks site. true anorexics know there are no real tips and tricks, there's eating and not eating, being out of control and being in control, looking like a monster and looking like a sweet skinny girl or boy (am i the only person that thinks when i gain i look meaner? i think its bc im so tall i feel like im towering over ppl like some cliche bully. ugh. not attractive).
SKINNY! thanks soo much for the comment. i work primarily from my phone so some stuff i cant do, like comment back :( it makes it really hard to get the word out about my blog. if you really like my blog, please be sure to tell a friend or two thanks sooo much :)
kk skinny. last week. lets see. i started heavily restricting last friday. saturday was good and then sunday i was supposed to hang out with a friend. this friend and i have a weird relationship, im very intimidated by her. shes bulimic and shes a lot skinnier than me (not for loong ;] ) and at the last minute she ended up canceling on me. and i felt real bad for different reasons and i bought some pot. BAD IDEA. i got stoned//binged sunday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday i realized that pot was keeping me back, like it was hard enough to restrict but with the munchies?? ugh its agonizing. so basically you need to figure out whats keeping you back and take control. think about what your trigger could be and be honest! this was just last weds that i took control, not even a week ago and last night i posted pictures of myself. i would have NEVER did that on weds, i looked that bad!
also this is what i think about when tempted: 'yes, starving is hard. yes, im hungry. but life is fucking hard. its hard today bc im starving but tomorrow it might be hard cause of something else and it would be a lot worse if im fat.' which is the truth right? after binging has someone ever done something or said something and you just lose control and think, 'i would soo better handle this if i was skinny.' i know i do. think about that.
also think about the times that you lost a bit and you were really happy. and TRY REAL HARD to think up a time you were happy after binging. yeah. nothings coming up right? or run to your comp and look at thinspo. these are all just options, you have to find what works for you. so find it! dont be idle. i know 'you have to find what works for you' is very cliche but its true. no one can put a stop to this but YOU! im here to just cheer you on :)
but to answer your question, since weds I've been doing real good. especially if you disregard the bread thing.
i really want to start yoga again. there is a class this morning im debating whether or not i should go. i really want to but i hate my mom giving me shit about working out. hmm idk.
i HIGHLY recommend yoga. also go to a studio dont try to do it by yourself. I've never met anyone who taught yoga who was mean or judgemental. usually theyre super nice and really helpful and get you into position correctly so you can reap all of the benefits and not hurt yourself. it actually burns a few cals and is good for the body overall. which i really like cause im starving it, which makes me feel bad. i will have to do a post on that i think it would be helpful. hmm later. anyways i feel so empty and pure i wanna go to yoga like this. i have to keep busy it doesnt start for another three hrs.
i hope everyones doing good. leave a quick comment with thoughts or tell a friend!
later im gonna post thinspo!!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s. this is currently my ultimate favorite thinspo
and this is my screensaver on my phone
a good thinspo blog is
skinny-thin.blogpsot.com
if you like it, tell her i referred you :)
k ttyl think thinn!!
riight.
sleep is very important to me i always feel like i never get enough.. any tips on falling asleep would be greatly appreciated. but be advised this is not a tips and tricks site. true anorexics know there are no real tips and tricks, there's eating and not eating, being out of control and being in control, looking like a monster and looking like a sweet skinny girl or boy (am i the only person that thinks when i gain i look meaner? i think its bc im so tall i feel like im towering over ppl like some cliche bully. ugh. not attractive).
SKINNY! thanks soo much for the comment. i work primarily from my phone so some stuff i cant do, like comment back :( it makes it really hard to get the word out about my blog. if you really like my blog, please be sure to tell a friend or two thanks sooo much :)
kk skinny. last week. lets see. i started heavily restricting last friday. saturday was good and then sunday i was supposed to hang out with a friend. this friend and i have a weird relationship, im very intimidated by her. shes bulimic and shes a lot skinnier than me (not for loong ;] ) and at the last minute she ended up canceling on me. and i felt real bad for different reasons and i bought some pot. BAD IDEA. i got stoned//binged sunday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday i realized that pot was keeping me back, like it was hard enough to restrict but with the munchies?? ugh its agonizing. so basically you need to figure out whats keeping you back and take control. think about what your trigger could be and be honest! this was just last weds that i took control, not even a week ago and last night i posted pictures of myself. i would have NEVER did that on weds, i looked that bad!
also this is what i think about when tempted: 'yes, starving is hard. yes, im hungry. but life is fucking hard. its hard today bc im starving but tomorrow it might be hard cause of something else and it would be a lot worse if im fat.' which is the truth right? after binging has someone ever done something or said something and you just lose control and think, 'i would soo better handle this if i was skinny.' i know i do. think about that.
also think about the times that you lost a bit and you were really happy. and TRY REAL HARD to think up a time you were happy after binging. yeah. nothings coming up right? or run to your comp and look at thinspo. these are all just options, you have to find what works for you. so find it! dont be idle. i know 'you have to find what works for you' is very cliche but its true. no one can put a stop to this but YOU! im here to just cheer you on :)
but to answer your question, since weds I've been doing real good. especially if you disregard the bread thing.
i really want to start yoga again. there is a class this morning im debating whether or not i should go. i really want to but i hate my mom giving me shit about working out. hmm idk.
i HIGHLY recommend yoga. also go to a studio dont try to do it by yourself. I've never met anyone who taught yoga who was mean or judgemental. usually theyre super nice and really helpful and get you into position correctly so you can reap all of the benefits and not hurt yourself. it actually burns a few cals and is good for the body overall. which i really like cause im starving it, which makes me feel bad. i will have to do a post on that i think it would be helpful. hmm later. anyways i feel so empty and pure i wanna go to yoga like this. i have to keep busy it doesnt start for another three hrs.
i hope everyones doing good. leave a quick comment with thoughts or tell a friend!
later im gonna post thinspo!!
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s. this is currently my ultimate favorite thinspo
and this is my screensaver on my phone
a good thinspo blog is
skinny-thin.blogpsot.com
if you like it, tell her i referred you :)
k ttyl think thinn!!
before i get into yesterday
i have a follower!! this makes me super happy. i hope you like it thus far please invite other skinnies//leave a comment :)
so yesterday. it started off fine i guess. but i kept craving bread. so i go 'okay ill only have one slice.' and i did. but i just hated the fact that i wanted it in the first place. it was like as soon as i awoke in the morning, just knowing it was there was just too much i had to have some. i did this exact same thing the day before. i craved bread, i gave myself a little, i walked away, and didnt gain. but wtf? was this going to happen everyday? i hated that i couldnt control my want of bread. i knew the next day i would want some and that my stomach would gnaw until i had some and that this would keep going on until the bread was gone and i wasnt having it. so i poured a tall glass of water and forced 10 slices down my throat in one sitting. 1200cals. and it was worth it bc now i HATE bread. ugh the thought is repulsing. i dont feel bad about this. this was not an out of control binge, this was a punishment. or a plan to get me to stop craving bread, and it worked. i didnt really gain either i just stayed the same. also i was beginning to plateu anyways. today i had a large breakfast. idk how many cals and i dont want to imagine.
i had:
almond croissant
oragina(the small one)
tall coffee
pineapple
watermelon
i feel alright though bc i had it this morn and I've been running around. also its 1am and im still not asleep so obviously it didnt do too much.
tomorrow i only want to eat bfast too just one thats a lot smaller. my mom is totally on to me and in the past i allowed her to guilt trip me into eating. not anymore. if she wants to make a plate for me like im 2yrs old im just gonna have to throw it away.
i hope everythings going good. I've got 2 more weeks of heavy restricting and i need your help.
Think Thinn,
strict chick
so yesterday. it started off fine i guess. but i kept craving bread. so i go 'okay ill only have one slice.' and i did. but i just hated the fact that i wanted it in the first place. it was like as soon as i awoke in the morning, just knowing it was there was just too much i had to have some. i did this exact same thing the day before. i craved bread, i gave myself a little, i walked away, and didnt gain. but wtf? was this going to happen everyday? i hated that i couldnt control my want of bread. i knew the next day i would want some and that my stomach would gnaw until i had some and that this would keep going on until the bread was gone and i wasnt having it. so i poured a tall glass of water and forced 10 slices down my throat in one sitting. 1200cals. and it was worth it bc now i HATE bread. ugh the thought is repulsing. i dont feel bad about this. this was not an out of control binge, this was a punishment. or a plan to get me to stop craving bread, and it worked. i didnt really gain either i just stayed the same. also i was beginning to plateu anyways. today i had a large breakfast. idk how many cals and i dont want to imagine.
i had:
almond croissant
oragina(the small one)
tall coffee
pineapple
watermelon
i feel alright though bc i had it this morn and I've been running around. also its 1am and im still not asleep so obviously it didnt do too much.
tomorrow i only want to eat bfast too just one thats a lot smaller. my mom is totally on to me and in the past i allowed her to guilt trip me into eating. not anymore. if she wants to make a plate for me like im 2yrs old im just gonna have to throw it away.
i hope everythings going good. I've got 2 more weeks of heavy restricting and i need your help.
Think Thinn,
strict chick
i hope i can be your thinspo :)
so yesterday was tough i will go into that in a separate post. this one is to show off my progress.
i currently cant sleep and so i started taking some photos while lying here in bed. im real sorry cause my flash is shit and in some my belly button looks weird but i hope i could still be your thinspo (partially?)
i really like my legs in this one.
you can sort of see my nudge of a baby hipbone
ugh this is why i hate the flash. you can sort of see how defined my ribs are now on the right.
i really like my legs in this one too.
i currently cant sleep and so i started taking some photos while lying here in bed. im real sorry cause my flash is shit and in some my belly button looks weird but i hope i could still be your thinspo (partially?)
i really like my legs in this one.
you can sort of see my nudge of a baby hipbone
ugh this is why i hate the flash. you can sort of see how defined my ribs are now on the right.
i really like my legs in this one too.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I'm soo upset.
its 12 15 and I still havent fallen asleep. I've been lying here since 940ish.
does anyone know why when you eat less its harder to fall asleep? any tips??
maybe it was for the best. look what I found here: http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/india-news/modelling-agencys-sickly-diet-regimen-to-keep-models-waif-thin_10079287.html
" Modelling agencys sickly diet regimen to keep models waif-thin August 3rd, 2008 - 11:46 am ICT by ANI -
New York, Aug 3 (ANI): A leading modelling agency has a unique way of keeping their already stick like models waif-thin they ask the girls to survive mostly on orange juice and coffee.
According to sources, Major Model Management agents have told some already too-thin models there that they need to lose even more weight, which isn”t unusual. It’’s the diet that has the models upset.
“One was told she had to lose 15 pounds, the New York Post quoted a source, as saying.
“She got strict instructions. She was told to only have a little bit of orange juice and a big coffee in the morning, which would make her go to the bathroom.
Then she was told to keep sucking down coffee all day until at least 3 p.m., when she could eat lettuce with a tiny bit of tuna with a drop of mayo.
Dinner is a tiny square of broiled fish about 2 inches long and a glass of wine, the source added.
The source added that the girls are also discouraged from hitting the gym because the stylists don”t want the models to have any muscle tone.
A rep for Major did not return a call and e-mail for comment. (ANI) "
I wonder if it works.
here's the diet part again:
B: orange juice, coffee
snack: coffee
L: lettuce, tuna with mayo(eew)
D: broiled fish, wine
I'm sure the wine helps with sleeping. I wish I could drink a bit before bed I probably wouldnt be here posting.
tell me if you try it.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s gonna try to sleep again wish me luck :)
does anyone know why when you eat less its harder to fall asleep? any tips??
maybe it was for the best. look what I found here: http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/india-news/modelling-agencys-sickly-diet-regimen-to-keep-models-waif-thin_10079287.html
" Modelling agencys sickly diet regimen to keep models waif-thin August 3rd, 2008 - 11:46 am ICT by ANI -
New York, Aug 3 (ANI): A leading modelling agency has a unique way of keeping their already stick like models waif-thin they ask the girls to survive mostly on orange juice and coffee.
According to sources, Major Model Management agents have told some already too-thin models there that they need to lose even more weight, which isn”t unusual. It’’s the diet that has the models upset.
“One was told she had to lose 15 pounds, the New York Post quoted a source, as saying.
“She got strict instructions. She was told to only have a little bit of orange juice and a big coffee in the morning, which would make her go to the bathroom.
Then she was told to keep sucking down coffee all day until at least 3 p.m., when she could eat lettuce with a tiny bit of tuna with a drop of mayo.
Dinner is a tiny square of broiled fish about 2 inches long and a glass of wine, the source added.
The source added that the girls are also discouraged from hitting the gym because the stylists don”t want the models to have any muscle tone.
A rep for Major did not return a call and e-mail for comment. (ANI) "
I wonder if it works.
here's the diet part again:
B: orange juice, coffee
snack: coffee
L: lettuce, tuna with mayo(eew)
D: broiled fish, wine
I'm sure the wine helps with sleeping. I wish I could drink a bit before bed I probably wouldnt be here posting.
tell me if you try it.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
p.s gonna try to sleep again wish me luck :)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
so far 2nd day where I havent completely fucked myself
And its going to stay that way right? Its almost 4 30. I planned earlier to have a small bite but after the whole debacle with the bread I wont dare. Lately my heart has been feeling weird and I've been getting really bad chest pains. I also feel like I'm going to blackout just about everytime I stand. And I read online that when you starve yourself your body eats your muscle first. And everyone knows the heart is a muscle, so I'm making this connection on my own and the site goes on to just affirm what I was already thinking. And it talked about how your heart will just weaken. And that really freaked me out so today I decided to eat every two hours so that my body wouldnt go into starvation mode and start eating my cardiac muscle. Also the article talked about eating more often conditions your body to burn fat and build muscle. Which sounds jolly good to mee!
So I awoke at dawn
6am: 1scrambled egg
70ish cals (at the v. most)
8 30am: 2/3cup peas
90cals
10 30am: black beans
100cals
12 30pm: broccoli/grilled chicken
150cals
2 30pm: slice of bread
130cals
3 40pm: chewed/spitted slice of bread
20 cals?
I included the last one because (in case you dont know) certain foods, but I know for sure bread, starts digestion in your mouth. Thats why if you suck on bread it'll look completely different from how it was before but if you suck on a celery stick it'll look exactly the same.
So my new plan. Hmm. I'm supposed to eat right now but dont think I will. My heart didnt feel too weird today and I actually didnt feel as sluggish or bad. I'm ending today at about 600cals which is 100 more than what I planned. But I also did a light workout in my home.
Yesterday was a total of 430cals. But that was all at one meal.
I actually feel really good about today. The last time I weighed myself was about two days ago and I was 146. I'm 5ft9.5 and my ultimate goal is to stay within 120-125. My shortterm goal for Aug1 is 135. Thats like 11lbs! Wow. I really hope I can recover from this weeks fuckups. Some people made me super upset and I ended up buying pot and usually (when I'm happier) I can control my urges but I was so upset I kept telling myself I didnt care. Now Aug1 is two weeks away and I have 11lbs to go. FML. I wish just not eating still actually worked for me.
I hope all of you are closer to your goals than I am.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
So I awoke at dawn
6am: 1scrambled egg
70ish cals (at the v. most)
8 30am: 2/3cup peas
90cals
10 30am: black beans
100cals
12 30pm: broccoli/grilled chicken
150cals
2 30pm: slice of bread
130cals
3 40pm: chewed/spitted slice of bread
20 cals?
I included the last one because (in case you dont know) certain foods, but I know for sure bread, starts digestion in your mouth. Thats why if you suck on bread it'll look completely different from how it was before but if you suck on a celery stick it'll look exactly the same.
So my new plan. Hmm. I'm supposed to eat right now but dont think I will. My heart didnt feel too weird today and I actually didnt feel as sluggish or bad. I'm ending today at about 600cals which is 100 more than what I planned. But I also did a light workout in my home.
Yesterday was a total of 430cals. But that was all at one meal.
I actually feel really good about today. The last time I weighed myself was about two days ago and I was 146. I'm 5ft9.5 and my ultimate goal is to stay within 120-125. My shortterm goal for Aug1 is 135. Thats like 11lbs! Wow. I really hope I can recover from this weeks fuckups. Some people made me super upset and I ended up buying pot and usually (when I'm happier) I can control my urges but I was so upset I kept telling myself I didnt care. Now Aug1 is two weeks away and I have 11lbs to go. FML. I wish just not eating still actually worked for me.
I hope all of you are closer to your goals than I am.
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick
Hello there thinnie minnies
This is an intro post. This is as personal as I will get.
I'm young. I live in southern california. And I suffer from anorexia. I got out of recovery about 2 months ago and I've eaten on average about 1 meal a day since although the real weight hasnt come off as I would like sadly.
I began searching online for thinspo but more importantly a blog where a real person whom I could relate to told their story of pure misery. I found one where a girl is trying, very hard, and its also very popular, but it just wasnt for me. It dealt too much with her personal life. Luckily, I have another blog for that! This blog and you, are about to become my thinspo. I seriously almost had a slice of bread and then I thought up the idea of sharing what I'm going through because it is so hard. Like I didnt even really want the bread, you know?
I think you do, and I'm really glad youre here :)
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick.
I'm young. I live in southern california. And I suffer from anorexia. I got out of recovery about 2 months ago and I've eaten on average about 1 meal a day since although the real weight hasnt come off as I would like sadly.
I began searching online for thinspo but more importantly a blog where a real person whom I could relate to told their story of pure misery. I found one where a girl is trying, very hard, and its also very popular, but it just wasnt for me. It dealt too much with her personal life. Luckily, I have another blog for that! This blog and you, are about to become my thinspo. I seriously almost had a slice of bread and then I thought up the idea of sharing what I'm going through because it is so hard. Like I didnt even really want the bread, you know?
I think you do, and I'm really glad youre here :)
Think Thinn,
Strict Chick.
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