so instead of talking and talking about restricting

I decided yesterday to just do it. now yesterday was weds. so on tuesday I ate a bunch of shit. like I've been doing for like the past week or so and at some point at the end of the day I weighed myself and I was like 153.4

then the next morning I weighed myself and I was 147.6. that day, weds, I had oatmeal, and a big salad, and a bunch of crackers. I also drank a soda. but today I weigh 145.6 yay.

I mean not to be gross but this morning I was relieved of extra baggage you know and yesterday I ate pretty healthy. big salads are so delicious when you're stoned. like I felt better after eating it too opposed to the junk food.

well. today I don't really have money for food. tonight im going out of town for new years. won't be able to weigh myself til I come back on sat. I'll try to be persistent in my restricting and maybe the scale will tip further.

k so some good news for everyone. I hope you all are doing much better than I though.

think thin

so I've been eating and eating

since I posted last. I haven't been weighing myself much. today I only had:

half a pepsi 75cals
coffee 100cals?
perrier 0cals

so the plan is to not eat anymore. im thinking I fast two days at a time. and then eat a bit and then fast two more days. ill see how that works out.

tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday I basically smoked pot and ate everything in sight. I remember weighing myself at some point and being like 144.6 so ill see tomorrow.

wish me luck. im getting a headache. idk if its cause I didn't smoke today or cause I didn't eat. probably a bit of both. im gonna drink a liter of water and chill out. my mom is cooking but I've got no desire to eat.

wish me luck xx


I hope you guys have been doing better than I.

so this morning

I weighed 142.0 so I gained a pound. im starting to feel hungry. I haven't eaten at all today im working on my first pint of water.

later should be really hard cause im going to buy pot and it makes you hungry but im gonna just have to fight through that. I might go on a walk or something. idk something. wish me luck.

so he didn't ask me out.

not trying to play the blame game but I've been stuffing my face ever since. I weigh 146.6 this morning I weighed 141.0

last monday I weighed like 135. FML. I hate him. I hate them all.

I might be moving soon which makes me somewhat happy. idk.

fuck my life 146.6 I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to see how much of this stays. I feel so groggy and gross and full. uuugh.

btw brittany murphy TOTALLY died of eating disorder complications. she didn't go from tai to jolie skinny with prayer.

so like this weekend was a bust.

I had pizza on staurday. weighed myself sunday and I was 144.

then I had a bunch of food. idk even know what. some chipotle was in there though, yesterday. and this morning I weigh 141.0

so I think maybe my metabolism has worked itself out. I've decided to fast for 2 days and then on the third, eat like 1000 cals. im going to do this twice and see how it works out.

more specifically.


fast1: bit of coffee, tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: beans, juice, bit of cheese, healthy stuff.
fast1: about 500 cals in juice and tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: eat healthy again.


ill see how this works out. its like trial and error. I feel like I have so much energy and so much food inside me right now. im really looking forward to fasting today. although I think ill save my coffee for AFTER my final cause it makes my tummy rumble.

today is the day im hoping that he asks me out or something. I just want him to give me the faintest notion that he wants to keep in touch.

okay off subject.

I've got nothing to do today

I know all of you can't tell.

I ate and I want to post what I ate cause I plan on not eating for the rest of today.

I had:
luna bar 180
cookies 100
grilled cheese 400?
bread with honey 200
juice 100

so that's like 1000? im completely done for today. im hoping this keeps my metabolism up. I weighed in right after. 139.6

damn near 140 AGAIN. if I make it below 137 on my digital scale it will be an fn MIRACLE. seriously.

how long does it take one to lose 5 measely pounds?

thanks so much ana's girl for the comment

I completely agree. I've done what others wanted me to do for so long and im never happy. I always start eating bc of her. and like now when I think about it, I think I really just want to eat but its easier when being provoked to just blame it on her. NO MORE. that's so weak. to be like oh its your fault im fat. its my fault for putting the food in my mouth.

so yeah earlier I ate a luna bar for bfast and drank water.

that's 180cals.

I think I've got a chance at this modeling thing. I've got to just stay strong. its soo difficult for me to get over this speed bump of 137-139.

I've been 137-139 for like almost a week. uggh. why won't it just come off?

im convinced though that it can't last forever. eventually the scale will tip. eventually.

model

Mirte Maas

oh how I love that photo of her on the page. the black and white one with the tshirt. I think she looks so cool. she's 18 like me. I've got to just stay strong. seriously.

im drinking tons of water today. I don't plan on eating much maybe a luna bar. idk. I don't really want to. ill eat tomorrow morning definitely.


going through her pictures just takes all my hunger pains away.

just weighed myself

138.4 ugh.
friday morning: 139.2

im going to keep track of day to day. I usually forget and overestimate or underestimate and then I feel like im not losing at all.

so down .8 from yesterday. every journey starts with a single step right?

my mom saw. she saw that I've got a scale and she goes, "oh you've got your scale out, trying to lose eighty pounds?"

I really don't need her condescending bull shit RIGHT NOW. god I hate her. idk why she cares so much I wish she would just leave me alone for a bit. she's so condescending and unsupportive unless im doing what SHE wants me to do. if its not then she completely shuts off. its so annoying.

hellooo new follower.

I haven't weighed or anything cause my mom is being weird. I've got another pimple though !!! today im definitely gonna drink tons of water. yesterday I just had loads of grapefruit juice but im tired of these little monsters on my face.

great article I found

How to Starve

I love the little bit about don't be discouraged if the scale isn't moving. that's where im at now. like in the past I just gave up but not this time, yeah? I've got you guys!

technical difficulties with blogger

okay so with another email I had two blogs. then I deleted one. and now my dashboard is set to: showing 0 of 2 blogs whereas when it was only one it always showed the one.

and when I click show all it doesn't do anything (im on a phone) so now I can't update my one blog.

is there a way to remove a deleted blog from my dashboard?


k anyways. I had 'dinner' I chewed and spitted a grilled cheese and cookies. and my mom wasn't paying attention so I didn't have to swallow any of it!!

uugh. my mom is the worst atm. she's like in this funk cause im losing weight and she can't do anything about it. like im too old now. I do what I want basically. im hoping to just move out soon im so tired of her. I lay down a lot because im not eating and im tired and shell make noise and bust in my room to ask me a dumb question. its so aggravating.

k im done ranting. gonna weigh in tomorrow morn hopefully I've lost. I've only swallowed grapefruit juice and water since coming home.

so its the end of the day.

this morning a little after 5am I weighed myself and I was 139.6 or .8 **edit: it was 139.2 I can't remember. but I was GAINING weight so I ate bfast.


I had:
steel cut oatmeal
grapefruit juice
pita bread and hummus
luna bar.

and I think that's it. idk how many cals exactly. I would say btw 700-800.

anyways I went to go do my final and came back. soo hungry. I was tempted to get fast food (burgerking) but resisted. I didn't resist really I just told myself NO! and kept driving lol

well I weighed myself and I weigh 137.8 !!! im not eating dinner so hopefully tomorrow morning its even less. also I plan on walking tomorrow morning to give my metabolism another boost.

wish me luck xx

hope everyones well

FML

its like 5:27am all I did was use the bathroom and I weigh 139.2

idk how this happened im so pissed. today im only drinking grapefruit juice. and im gonna have a bit of oatmeal for bfast. grapefruit juice is supposed to speed up the metabolism. uuugh. im gaining. how on earth am I gaining?

I had to fake eat dinner again.

and I swallowed two mouthfuls because my mom kept coming in my room and twice she came in before I could spit. im kind of sad. but idk. it was like 300cals at the most. with the carrot juice I ate and the coffee I had earlier.

300cals today isn't so bad. its not fasting but its not a complete lost. I don't want to weigh myself tomorrow but I know I will as soon as I wake up. about 12hours from right now. uuugh.

I weighed myself later today and I weighed 139....

im getting so pissed. if tomorrow it doesn't say 137 or less im gonna lose it. this morning it said 138.6 idk wtf that is when on tuesday I weighed like 135. but on a different scale. idk maybe I was fatter and didn't know cause of the scale. idk. I DON'T KNOW.

im sad. beautiful lunacy, my loneliness has been bugging me lately too. idk.. its hard.

I just want to go to sleep but I've got reading to do. a final tomorrow. wish me luck.

im definitely gonna weigh myself tomorrow. I hope its pleasant.


think thinn
xx

uugh today. sucks.

I just feel like crap overall. im not hungry but im definitely in a funk. I went to the store this morn to get a scale and like the display ones in the store were ALL FUCKED UP. excuse my language but one said I weighed 147.4 !!!!! I almost lost my shit in the store. so I bought one that seemed alright and when I got home, all naked, no food it said I weighed 138.6. so damn near 139. I gained like 3lbs from yesterday. fn great.

im kinda upset about it. and I just feel really down over all. I think cause I haven't been eating enough lately. I had to drive to school and back. its like 2hrs of driving, and I kept almost getting into accidents I couldn't pay attention at all. I just want the scale to go down down down down. is that so wrong? idk. I feel shitty. not hungry atm but my mom is on her way home for lunch shell probably insist on getting me something.

but like I know. if I start eating now, monday ill weigh 142 again. which is where I started last friday. so the choice is to either fast and lose weight or eat and definitely gain. so im fasting til monday. all I had today was a coffee.

wish me luck. xx

I want to be 130 by the first week of januaury. which is like 2weeks away.


yesterday I bought heels. I walk pretty good in them. the first week of january im gonna go to agencies. only the big ones. elite, ford, and wilhelmina. and then ill go from there. it sucks because I don't have any professional pictures. I just hope this girl is still willing to do them for free.

8lbs in two weeks. that seems easy enough.

wish me luck xx. I must stay strong and resist everything. im in such a lie around the house kind of mood. ugh.

((picture)) just woke up

haven't eaten, weighed, or anything and I was looking at my arm.

I've got one huge mirror on two different walls in my room, and one is right by my bed. I like to look at myself as soon as I wake up and make predictions about weight before actually weighing. its sort of sad, VERY vain.

so I was looking at my arm and its like tiny. all of this for a tiny arm?? uugh I wish this thinness would cascade down my legs. my jiggly thighs could use a healthy dose. anyways here's the picuture.

it looks kind of weird cause I took it with my phone but I didn't edit it at all or elongate it or anything. I couldn't, im on my phone. anyways that is seriously, my arm.






think thin
xx

so today was kind of a lost like I knew it would be.

maybe it was my negative thinking that since my mom was off I would have to eat but idk. im lying here and I feel like crap. like I might throw up. which would suck and be pointless since I ate last about 4hrs ago and all the calories are digested.

but my tummy really hurts. I ate the most today than I've eaten in five days.

I had:

coconut water 60cals
1/2 a luna bar 90cals
1/2 a portobello mushroom sandwich ??cals
a bit of this french puff pastry with guyere ??cals
1/2 carrot muffin ??cals

and that's it. I think the muffin is what made me sick. I ate that last and I was kind of binging on it. like not really thinking just chewing. and my stomach started to hurt and I just stopped and threw the rest away.

my legs look thinner to me but that's probably because im wearing black stretchy yoga pants. this morn I weighed like 135-6

I've decided to buy a digital scale. probably tomorrow. but im not going to weigh myself until monday morning. my plan is to fast until monday morning. four days. I didn't get through four days last time. on the third day I ate a bit. but the day after I didn't eat at all. so it was like a four day fast with a bit on the third night. don't want that this time. no bit on the third night for me.

wish me luck I know for sure its gonna be difficult. I feel so ill atm. tomorrow I want to keep busy and away from food. I think I might be dehydrated. or about to have a migraine. or both. idk.

I hope I don't throw up. I haaate throwing up.

wish me luck. hello new follower. please comment if you can I welcome the support. if you can't I understand. because of my server I can't comment a lot either on certain pages.


think thinn xxx
I love you all so much srsly you're my rock. seeing the number of followers grow even a bit is super inspiring.

so today was a bit confusing even for me.

so this morning I didn't get that bagel and cream cheese. I went to the grocery and picked up some cheese (cause I really wanted a grilled cheese) and some carrot juice. then I got home, made the grilled cheese, poured some carrot juice, began loathing myself for what I was doing and then as I was chewing something murmured in my ear, "you don't have to swallow."

and I didn't. I got a bag and I chewed and spitted that whole grilled cheese but I drank the carrot juice. then I was actually full.

but my mom asked me to pick her up from work for lunch and we went to trader joes. uuugh. almost got a pizza, but settled with a lunabar. about 180cals. then I went next door and got a jumbo almond croissant. do not ask me why. this is the part where I just don't understand what happened.

the jam in the center was SUPER sweet so I ended up eating only the crunchy edges. I felt so full and gross and disgusting. I danced a bit to lady gaga and felt better though. I was really sweating and out of breath I had to lie down. I ended up falling asleep for about an hour and when I woke up I looked tinier and on the scale I was 135.

but then I went to class. and I couldn't think straight or something. I don't know why but I got a hot chocolate. and I feel like I kind of ruined everything. like although it was just hot chocolate, I don't have that empty feeling that I had when I first woke up from the nap I had earlier. tomorrow ill weigh myself again. also tomorrow my mom is off so I know ill be expected to eat at some point.

tonight she kept asking and asking if I wanted chipotle. talk about temptation.

anyways the hot chocolate is kinda making me pissy, it was pointless. about 200cals. but it didn't help at all. I still did horribly on the test.

idk if I've said this but my goal is to stay within the range of 125-130 im 5ft 10.

I bought these diesel jeans offline cause they were super cheap and a size 27 which is what I USUALLY wear. but they're like a small 27. more like a 26. and since there's limited stretch its like a strict 26. no wiggle room. anyways. when I weighed 135 before class I was able to get them up a little further.

I can't wait until I can wear them that will be the ultimate.

wish me luck. I've been feeling down. there's a boy who has liked me all semester and just now I've kinda realized I like him too (don't ask how I've got no idea how these things work). but the last time I saw him I thought I was dropping good hints but he didn't like really respond in the way that I wanted. like he didn't ask me out. I think I make him scared but if only he knew he makes me scared-er lol.

so yeah this whole weight thing is really taking a toll on how I feel about myself. sometimes I think he's just afraid and then other times I think he just doesn't like me anymore. blurgh..

kk enough about that.


good luck

think thinn xx

p.s. I hope so much im still 135 tomorrow.

and welcome new follower!!

slight mishap this morning.

minor family drama.

I drank a bit of grapefruit juice before I weighed myself, before I went to the bathroom even. it was even that much and I feel sooo full. like I can feel it in my stomach and it almost feels like its gonna come back up due to lack of space.

so yeah my plan worked. I don't even want a grilled cheese and I made it through last night. tomorrow ill probably have to eat because my mom is off from work but what if I don't? omg another three day fast.

it'll be like 6days and all I had was a bit of fried chicken and some bread. but I don't want to get wrapped up in the MAYBEs. ill just focus on today. today I don't want to eat at all. I have a final later which sucks. I might have to eat something for a bit of energy. maybe ill go get some carrot juice if when I start studying I can't concentrate.

but only then. yeah calories for today will only be in juice.


thanks so much for the comment Ana's Girl I think you're the only one reading lol. also I like that tip the next time I eat it will be before I work out. ill definitely be burning it off and the work out will be easier :)



think thinn xx


ill update when I weigh myself.

update: I weigh I think 136. the lines are so small it could stil be 137. ugh. I wanna eat. I feel like im getting no where and that I should just give up. yeah. im gonna go get a bagel with jalapeno cream cheese. dunno if ill actually eat it.

ive decided.

tomorrow im getting a grilled cheese. i have a taste for one. and the fact that im allowing myself that is what's keeping me from destroying the kitchen. i didnt eat today at all. i had a coffee in the morning. i was feeling ill. i think im dehydrated. i just finished a liter of water i feel a bit better. so yeah a grilled cheese. im going to walk first. make myself work for it. i think if i walk a bit i'll burn the calories of the grilled cheese.

i need this grilled cheese. seriously thinking about a reward is such strength right now i want to eat everything in the kitchen. and then i was watching tv to get my mind off of food and on the show, they were eating. ugh the worse!

today didnt work out the way i planned. the boy has one last chance next monday but then class is done forever. although i think i dropped good hints that im kind of into him too. idk maybe not. im super subtle about these things.

im hoping that i make it through tonight and tomorrow i dont even want a grilled cheese. that would be ideal. if i have it though i will eat it before noon so i can have time to burn it during the day. uuugh i really dont want to eat anything else. tomorrow i dont have class until night so that's a whole day of possibly fcking up EVERYTHING. i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days i lost five pounds in three days.

i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.
i will not screw this up.

i wont. i cant. i think im just really tired. i should go to sleep til tomorrow then the battle is won. although my mom gives me shit when i try to go to bed too early its like she knows something is up. its sooo annoying. i want to get out of this house so bad. it would make restricting so much easier.

im going to weigh myself tomorrow morning.


im leaving something out because i feel guilty. but after i posted last night about fake eating dinner i actually did eat. i had a bunch of these little chicken nugget things, although like my mom made them they werent from mc donalds. i would say it was like 1 whole chicken breast. to over estimate and just be safe. and i had a slice of bread.

on the calorie counter i checked the most cals a fried chicken breast had was 500 cals. and plus the slice of bread that puts me at 600. so that was last night. and this morning i was still 5lbs thinner. but todays fast sadly isnt my fourth day, its my first.

although seeing that i still lost considerable weight im kinda happy i ate something. and after walking, i'll eat tomorrow cause i dont want my metabolism to turn to mush or anything. WEDSNESDAY. weds will be hard. my mother's off from work. so i'll have to eat something. im thinking:

mon:fast
tues:grilled cheese
weds:under 1000 cals
thurs:fast
fri:fast

i have a final on friday so i might do a juice fast so that i can have some calories and energy and wont be so fatigued.

the ABC diet is just too much of a regiment. i think if i actually stuck to it, it would only result in suspicion. i think the purpose of the ABC diet is heavy restricting, which is what im doing. so hopefully if i just stay strong, i will get results.

ugh im so hungry. tomorrow im walking briskly for an hour or so. then im gonna eat a grilled cheese and then im going to finish cleaning and studying a bit before i go to class. then i'll get out of class and i'll be super hungry. and when we get off the freeway i'll want to ask my mom for in n out. she'll probably ask if im hungry first. but i will say no. of course i'll say no i HAVE to eat something on weds. then i'll go to the store and get carrot juice for thurs and fri.

i find this helps. letting yourself know whats up before it happens. like its okay to be hungry, you will be hungry, and now that you know you wont give in. i think it helps especially now when hunger just came out of left field for me. i almost gave in.

but i didnt. and now im posting here. i actually just realized, im sitting in the kitchen. as soon as im done (which is about now) im going to clean up a bit and listen to simon and garfunkel and lay down to sleep and the battle will be won.

if not, i will not lie. or delay telling the truth. its not right. and i think that rule will help keep me from failing, knowing that i have to account for myself.

good luck to everyone


think thinxx

ABCDiet

Ana Boot Camp
day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800 calories
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Im starting the ABC Diet

my plan is to go til the end of january which makes it out to 47days if I start today.

I just weighed myself: 137!

im so happy. I lost 5lbs on my three day fast. but don't let me get too happy. oh tell me im fat please. fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.

small victory. I have to keep going. my next goal is 130. I plan on juice fasting this entire week. so ill get some calories. ill use the ABC as a guide. but all in juice.


130 by friday??

ugh I just really don't wanna gain this back. at all. food is GROSS. it takes away all the happiness I feel now.

Im starting the ABC D

I just fake ate dinner

it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I chewed on a lot of fried chicken but I never swallowed. I did swallow about six tablespoons of split pea soup. it was liquidy. it reminded me of my veggie juices. I also had to chew on a lot of 'salad' honestly idk what you call lettuce drenching in bleu cheese dressing. I swallowed like 2 leaves.

im gonna say I ate about 300cals today total.

120-apple juice
0-green iced tea
180-fake eating dinner.

im kinda pissed that I had to do this but im not devastated. I guess cause I know if tomorrow I don't see what I wanna see on the scale im just gonna start fasting again until I do. also during the week its soo much easier to get away with not eating.

im disappointed but im not devastated. I didn't lose control. my stomach still feels empty but my mouth feels violated. lol. wasn't supposed to sound so sexual. but it does. my mouth feels like a vacuum bag. all these specks and bits of food. unwanted food. hope all of you are doing better.


think thinn



like kate moss in the 90s getting loved on by johnny depp thin. not fake eating dinner thin.

off subject: I changed my 'about me'

check it out if you like. I've got all these thoughts going on and im sure its because of this article my english professor made me read.

its called 'the numbing of the american mind' and its by thomas de zengotita.

its soo good. I think. I mean the way he describes the different levels of real. I mean idk if any of you have noticed but I have. and I feel like in the world of weightloss, eating disorders are what's real. its seriously like people taking control even when it hurts. and hurting when we've lost control because its like real. its apart of us. idk. I would rather binge right now after 2 1/2 days of fasting and hurt. like truly hurt. than get a trainer and go on a diet and be healthy and wait 10 years to lose anything substantial. because that's fabricated. its a story to tell people. its something to help you define yourself, which is fine, everyone has their story that defines them, but I just don't think it should be linked to losing weight cause its not. im losing weight. im sitting at home, I don't make eye contact with the kitchen, I stay busy to burn calories, I post here so I don't think about food, I and you and everyone else like us is weight loss. we're real weight loss. we're the struggle and the sacrifice. those people are another breed.

you can fnd the article here

http://www.harpers.org/archive/2002/04/0079134

10hrs away from 3 full days of fasting.

yeah that's right. I didn't eat at all yesterday. so it may not be a big deal to some of you fasting pros but I've never made it more than a day and im on my way to nailing three!

yesterday I only had a venti coffee in the morning and water for the rest of the day. today I've had a bit more calorie wise.

about to get quasi gross but yesterday I started my period and not til night did the cramps come. and I get horrible cramps like that make me throw up (which im sure I would've done if I were eating). but im scared to take an asprin after not eating so I read online about how walking helps. so this morn I walked for 1hour and 40mins. I was so proud of myself. but halfway through I was feeling it like I thought I was going to faint.

so I got an apple juice box which was 120cals. then my mom paid for me to go get my nails done which was a god send. cause you know how after a workout you just wanna eat everything in sight, yeah? well that was curbed by all the models in the glossy mags I flipped through in the shop. not taking care of my nails paid off :)

I got a venti iced green tea at starbucks cause coffee was getting boring. and actually I think that was zero cals cause tea doesn't have cals and I just added splenda. so I don't feel so bad cause just right now my mom came home and asked me if I wanted some of her gingerale and I was like 'yeah!' cause I didn't wanna get suspicious.

then I was like 'are you still making the chicken' because she's been talking about it ALL DAY and she goes yeah soon. but im getting out of that.

im cleaning my room now and I have all these clothes to put on a hanger so im gonna get out of making a plate as soon as she's done, which is what she likes- to watch me and make sure I get enough by saying 'oh im still putting clothes on a hanger.' and usually we eat and watch tv together but I just got its always sunny in philadelphia (hilarious btw) on dvd so im gonna be like 'oh I wanna watch that on my tv' which she won't say anything to because she doesn't like the show.

then im gonna close my door and throw out like half the soup and like one chicken thing and just leave it. because like clockwork my mom will like bust in my room unannounced to just see what im doing or to tell me something trivial i.e. see if im eating.

so that's the plan. fasting is so much fun. I feel so relaxed. like I just sit in my chair and I close my eyes and I don't fall asleep but im so weak that its more than just closing my eyes, you know? its like nice.

off subject but this guy in my class that I go to tomorrow has had a crush on me since the first day and I've just decided now that I like him back. and I think tomorrow is our last class or second to last. so im hoping he talks to me and wants to keep in touch. wish me luck. I have to look nice, open, and approachable. and I know if I eat anything I will get into such a funk ill look depressed and might scare him away. so this is real important to keep this fast up, for my spirits!!

I hope all of you are doing good. I really do. being successful is like the best high. I still haven't weighed myself. I plan to tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up. im not gonna eat in the morning but I might in the afternoon it depends.

I sort of want to do a five day fast that would be only til tuesday. idk. im definitely buying some juice (last post, checkit) so that if I truly break ill at least have that.

I feel so good. I will not let my six followers down lol.

sometimes from my phone im unable to comment on the blogs that im reading so if you know some support let them know about my blog. I could use it. knowing at least one person reads this is such a stable rock to fall back on when it comes to eating.

wish me luck with everything

think thinn

hey queenie oh queenie ((IMBACK))

I have six followers. hmm. well people you should know some things.

I stopped posting in july cause my mom turned off my phone. and this is the way I post because my internet access is limited.

im sorry about that.

also im a different person, and some of you may not agree with my new ideas.

I started college and im finishing up my first semester. im a different person completely. I read that last post and to me its like a different person.


anyhoo. I fasted all day yesterday. I had just a grande coffee and a venti coffee from starbucks. id say under 200. but more than likely, 100.

I don't think of this as 'ana' as a struggle, as a negative. for now. this may change but I was reading some blogs and they're like 'this is my demon.' 'oh, this is hell.' 'I just want to die.'

quite the opposite with me. this time around and honestly I know my success is inevitable. I hate food. I do. I eat to feel normal around people, its like to be socially sound. and then my insides the physical part of me is just horrid. my body hates food.


before I came back to heavy restricting I started drinking juices and I HIGHLY recommend it. especially like carrot juice. the taste is not too great, its got like a bite to it lol, but its so low in calories, yet high in nutrition. AND since your body isn't digesting 40 baby carrots, you feel the energy immediately and most important hunger just goes away.

hunger=your body wanting nutrition.

its so much better to give your body a little concentrated nutrition (i.e. vegetable juice) than a lot of what fatties cal food.

you seriously have to eat so much of that, to get the same result from a few sips of carrot juice.

carrot juice takes a while to get used to. if you absolutely can't stand it, find something else. MUST BE A VEGETABLE. fruit juice is so high in cals it'll be defeating the purpose.

hope that helps. I miss you all. comment if you're still reading.


I read this on someone else's blog and it made me very happy. its the sum of my efforts:

"fast and be pretty."


so simple, so true. im tired of agonizing over 'ana' I want to fast, be the envy of others, get the boy, and be signed to a modeling agency. stat :)


my weight yesterday was 142. I don't want to weigh myself again til monday morning.


I find weighings jinx me. if im still fat, I think im getting no where and there's no point so I eat. and if im thinner, I reason its only a little and I eat and gain it back.

monday I've got class so that should help me get a start on not damning myself because of the scale as I hurry off to school.

I appreciate you all. sorry its been a bit. hope you're still reading.

think thin!!