so instead of talking and talking about restricting

I decided yesterday to just do it. now yesterday was weds. so on tuesday I ate a bunch of shit. like I've been doing for like the past week or so and at some point at the end of the day I weighed myself and I was like 153.4

then the next morning I weighed myself and I was 147.6. that day, weds, I had oatmeal, and a big salad, and a bunch of crackers. I also drank a soda. but today I weigh 145.6 yay.

I mean not to be gross but this morning I was relieved of extra baggage you know and yesterday I ate pretty healthy. big salads are so delicious when you're stoned. like I felt better after eating it too opposed to the junk food.

well. today I don't really have money for food. tonight im going out of town for new years. won't be able to weigh myself til I come back on sat. I'll try to be persistent in my restricting and maybe the scale will tip further.

k so some good news for everyone. I hope you all are doing much better than I though.

think thin

so I've been eating and eating

since I posted last. I haven't been weighing myself much. today I only had:

half a pepsi 75cals
coffee 100cals?
perrier 0cals

so the plan is to not eat anymore. im thinking I fast two days at a time. and then eat a bit and then fast two more days. ill see how that works out.

tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday I basically smoked pot and ate everything in sight. I remember weighing myself at some point and being like 144.6 so ill see tomorrow.

wish me luck. im getting a headache. idk if its cause I didn't smoke today or cause I didn't eat. probably a bit of both. im gonna drink a liter of water and chill out. my mom is cooking but I've got no desire to eat.

wish me luck xx


I hope you guys have been doing better than I.

so this morning

I weighed 142.0 so I gained a pound. im starting to feel hungry. I haven't eaten at all today im working on my first pint of water.

later should be really hard cause im going to buy pot and it makes you hungry but im gonna just have to fight through that. I might go on a walk or something. idk something. wish me luck.

so he didn't ask me out.

not trying to play the blame game but I've been stuffing my face ever since. I weigh 146.6 this morning I weighed 141.0

last monday I weighed like 135. FML. I hate him. I hate them all.

I might be moving soon which makes me somewhat happy. idk.

fuck my life 146.6 I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to see how much of this stays. I feel so groggy and gross and full. uuugh.

btw brittany murphy TOTALLY died of eating disorder complications. she didn't go from tai to jolie skinny with prayer.

so like this weekend was a bust.

I had pizza on staurday. weighed myself sunday and I was 144.

then I had a bunch of food. idk even know what. some chipotle was in there though, yesterday. and this morning I weigh 141.0

so I think maybe my metabolism has worked itself out. I've decided to fast for 2 days and then on the third, eat like 1000 cals. im going to do this twice and see how it works out.

more specifically.


fast1: bit of coffee, tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: beans, juice, bit of cheese, healthy stuff.
fast1: about 500 cals in juice and tons of water.
fast2: bit of coffee, tons of water.
eat3: eat healthy again.


ill see how this works out. its like trial and error. I feel like I have so much energy and so much food inside me right now. im really looking forward to fasting today. although I think ill save my coffee for AFTER my final cause it makes my tummy rumble.

today is the day im hoping that he asks me out or something. I just want him to give me the faintest notion that he wants to keep in touch.

okay off subject.

I've got nothing to do today

I know all of you can't tell.

I ate and I want to post what I ate cause I plan on not eating for the rest of today.

I had:
luna bar 180
cookies 100
grilled cheese 400?
bread with honey 200
juice 100

so that's like 1000? im completely done for today. im hoping this keeps my metabolism up. I weighed in right after. 139.6

damn near 140 AGAIN. if I make it below 137 on my digital scale it will be an fn MIRACLE. seriously.

how long does it take one to lose 5 measely pounds?

thanks so much ana's girl for the comment

I completely agree. I've done what others wanted me to do for so long and im never happy. I always start eating bc of her. and like now when I think about it, I think I really just want to eat but its easier when being provoked to just blame it on her. NO MORE. that's so weak. to be like oh its your fault im fat. its my fault for putting the food in my mouth.

so yeah earlier I ate a luna bar for bfast and drank water.

that's 180cals.

I think I've got a chance at this modeling thing. I've got to just stay strong. its soo difficult for me to get over this speed bump of 137-139.

I've been 137-139 for like almost a week. uggh. why won't it just come off?

im convinced though that it can't last forever. eventually the scale will tip. eventually.